The Scarrie Lesa

Check out Lauren's blog

2012-02-05T18:47:00.002-07:00

So maybe I took a lot of pictures this week

2012-02-04T21:37:00.009-07:00

Welcome to our week. Anna and I are working out of a book called "Five in a Row." It has a little curriculum for picture books--focusing on one each week. This week we read "Very last first time." Eva, the heroine, is an Inuit from Canada who goes underneath the ocean during low tide to collect mussles. Anna and I tried a mussle just to say we did, but we decided we wouldn't risk our lives to find them! We decided we are now in the "mussle club." A distinguished honor.

It was a big week for hair in our house. This is a design that took Elise 2 hours to create. Masterpiece.
Lauren did these beautiful ringlets AND she made this Katniss braid on Sarah in preparation for the Hunger Games movie premiere. Sarah, by the way, will not be going to that.
Anna had a belated 5th birthday party at the rec center. It was a mermaid party and the girls played H2O in the pool. The key to success at this party was Sarah and Elise. They were the ultimate party hostesses keeping all the girls entertained in the water and throwing spontaneous dance parties in the party room later.

Our family has become fans of the show "Cake Boss." Buddy the baker bakes the most incredible cakes in his family bakery. It inspired me to try to make something a little better for Anna's birthday party. I actually made fondant and wrapped it around a mermaid tail Anna and I molded out of rice-krispie treats. It ended up being too heavy for the cake and I had to down-size. I don't think Buddy would hire me, but it worked great for Anna.

She is about 10 days early, but all of Anna's Valentines are set to go. I just loved how sweet she looked sitting at the table working out her Valentine's by herself. Look at that hair. And her little arm. It's my baby right there.

Sarah's recital piece for spring is a version of Pachabel's Cannon. It's a pretty good challenge for her. She is practicing one line a day for about a half an hour. It is a great triumph when what at first seemed impossible becomes easy. We look forward to that day.

Lauren and Elise had New Beginnings this week. Elise (sorry not featured in this photo) is so delighted by Young Women's that she practically runs to church each Sunday morning. Lauren, of course, has been delighted now for 2 years. Sweet that they can share it together.

This week I stumbled onto Katrina Kenison's blog on "wholeheartedness." She talks about how "wholeheartedness" is related to just being who you are. Not who you think you should be or who others think you should be--but just who you are. I've been pondering that this week in many situations. Growing up, my mom would always tell me to "just be yourself."At 40, I am thinking (hoping) that I am finally figuring it out.

From Katrina Kenison's blog post: I remind myself that nothing really needs to be as complicated as I make it. I don’t have to change who I am, I simply have to be who I am. I can tune in to the call of my soul. I can live wholeheartedly . . . I can do the loving thing and trust that love really is enough.

Someday, I want my true self to be able to write just like her.

This Week

2012-01-29T21:13:00.005-07:00

Sarah and Elise tried out for the school play this week. The only very strict rule for this endeavor is they weren't allowed to care very much about this. I told them their mother had just recovered from a heartbreak and couldn't take it if this meant very much to them. They promised not to care too much, but sang their little hearts out anyway. They both made call backs, both were cast as members of the chorus, and both seemed very happy about it.
Big news! Our little Anna can tie shoes. The only trouble is she doesn't own any shoes that need to be tied. Her only request for this week is to, "Please please buy me some tie shoes! It is so much fun to tie things!"
Lauren performed in the State Junior High Honor's Choir on Saturday. There were 8 singers from each Junior High in the state conducted by the assistant director of the Mormon Tabernacle choir. I have never heard of Honor's Choir and didn't know exactly what this concert would be like. But I'll just say-- the music was so beautiful that I wept in every song. What's the deal? Sitting in that auditorium listening to those teenagers made me think that there are lots of things very right with the world.

A few years ago, we went to the Speghetti Factory for dinner one night with the girls and made a decision to NEVER go out to eat with them again until they actually thought it was fun to go to a restaurant and sit at a table. We envisioned that someday we could go to a restaurant as a family and no one would spill, cry for crayons, climb under the table, or sit on our laps while we were trying to eat.

After Lauren's concert, we had Chinese food at the Joy Luck Club and sat at a round table together talking about the music, a book Sarah just read for book club, what it would be like if Uncle Kiki and his little family moved to America and what the fortunes in our cookies could really mean. Anna did have to go to the bathroom a couple times and the girls each made a visit over to Scott's plate because they wanted a bite of his tangerine chicken, but everyone was quite delighted to be there. It made that night at the Speghetti Factory seem like a very long time ago.

Right Now

2012-01-15T14:13:00.009-07:00

Hot off the camera, here is what is going on in our house right now:

Elise is reading the Sunday funnies. She never misses this. She came home from her 4th Sunday in Young Women's and put on a new Aeropostle jacket from Lauren's closet. When Lauren cleans out her closet we all benefit.lis

Anna and Sarah are upstairs playing "library." When Anna is agreeable to it, they have the best time playing together. Other favorites are playing "babysitter," "school," and "dance class." The library looks like it could use a little organization. Maybe I can get hired on to work there.
Lauren is sitting in her Love Sac working on her novel. She started it over Christmas break and has about 80 pages done. She says she is working hard to squash that "inner editor" that tells her to stop and just wants to get this first novel "out of the way." I struggle in saying, "Lauren stop writing right now and come clean the kitchen!" Writing a first novel just seems like such a noble use of time.Scott is a little bleary eyed from his 6:30 a.m. church meetings. He came home at 1:00 and reads the Sunday paper over his lunch. This guy never sleeps in.
This is Elise's Reflections entry I have displayed right now in the kitchen. The hands are spelling "Diversity." I think is it should have gone on to the State competition. And I think I would say that even if I wasn't her mom.
This is Sarah's Reflections entry. I love that she created this all on her own. Sarah doesn't often have to stand alone, but she isn't afraid to do the right thing.
These are left over evidence of Sarah and Anna's most recent pretend school. Sarah doesn't mess around when she teaches. She considers playing school as training for her some day real job as a teacher. She really makes Anna tow the line. I guess that is why Anna has to be in exactly the right mood to play. It is a little too close to the real deal.

On our fridge we have our family theme for the year. I hope we can talk about this all year and really work it into our family home evenings. Last week we talked about the difference in the way Nephi responded to challenges and the way Laman and Lemuel responded to challenges. Nephi is a serious winner. Our family is trying hard for a Nephi attitude and NO Laman and Lemuel murmuring.

Incidentally, Elise hates the word "murmur" and has officially declared "squaddering" as our family's new synonym for "mumuring." So, I guess we say that a Finlinson never squadders. We're working on it anyway.

My “one little word” for 2012

2012-01-10T10:22:00.002-07:00

A couple of favorite New Year’s Eve status updates I found on Facebook from two awesome (and honest) women:

“Setting my New Year’s Resolutions was easy. I just erased ‘2011’ and wrote ‘2012.’ Done.”

“Today is going to be an especially busy day. I need to lose 50 pounds and get married. Wish me luck.”

I laugh only because I know how they feel. When I reviewed my 2011 New Year’s Resolutions, I likewise found I could simply erase “2011″ and write “2012″ instead. While it is sort of funny, it is also discouraging. As the years pass, I want to feel as if I’m moving forward not just marking time. I did accomplish a lot of things in 2011, they just didn’t happen to make my list last January. Sometimes I think I should revise my 2011 Resolutions just so I can have things to check off.

ONE LITTLE WORD

My more preferred way to approach New Year’s Resolutions is a tradition I found on Ali Edwards a few years ago. Instead of (or alongside) New Year’s Resolutions, I select a word. “One little word,” as Ali Edwards says, to be my mantra and guide throughout the year. It isn’t exactly something I can “cross off,” but it adds a direction and dimension to my year . . .

My “one little word” for 2012 « « Utah Mama Utah Mama

Some of the best parts--Christmas 2011

2012-01-02T13:47:00.012-07:00

It's a funny thing about Christmas decorations in my house. What was once BEAUTIFUL to me is suddenly suffocating on December 26th. I am ready to clean up, put away and move forward.

However, there were lots of beautiful parts of this holiday, it's unfair to pack it all away without documenting a few highlights.

DANCE CONCERT

I loved this year's dance concert. It was a mixed bag, however, because Lauren moved forward and dropped dance. I terribly missed watching her dance. But Anna was there this year. And she has been waiting her turn for a long time. After practicing about 500 times at home, she had her dance down cold. My friend asked me if she had choreographed the dance--she seemed so confident. I wish you could have seen it. It was like she was a fluffy, sparkly ball of joy tapping her heart out.

Elise and Sarah were equally fantastic in the show--dancing with all the sparkle. Lauren nominated herself chief cinematographer and for once I we have awesome videos of their dances.

Last spring, I had no idea that was Lauren's last concert. Note to self: you don't always get advance notice that certain moments are landmarks. I did love every show Lauren was in. No regrets really. She shouldn't have any either. She made a hard, but really good decision.

GIFTS FROM THE HEART

This Christmas we continued our tradition of "gifts from the heart." This equaled girls who had that little bit of pre-Christmas "stress." I heard things like, "I'm not done yet!" "I have so much to do!" "I need to go home and wrap." Gifts from the heart means the girls are so concerned about their gifts for each other I don't hear much about what they want for Christmas.

Anna did make it clear she wanted a mermaid barbie. But by the time we saw Santa for the 4th time at Deseret Village, she said she didn't need to talk to him anymore. "I have already told him 4 times."

CHRISTMAS IN THE CITY

I loved going to Candlelight Christmas at Heritage Park and listening to Anna's violin group play. Anna mostly jingled the bells, but did join in on "Jolly Old St. Nicholas." Afterwards we traveled around the pioneer village for little events. The best was writing a letter to Santa. Apparently, pioneer children didn't mail their letters. They burned them in the fire and the smoke sent them to Santa. A big flame from your letter meant you had been really good that year. It was awesome to watch Anna and Sarah put their letters in the fire. Definitely big flames.

I also loved the night at Temple Square looking at the different nativities from around the world. It has been a difficult couple of months and when I looked up at the Salt Lake Temple--perhaps the most beautiful structure in the world--I was reminded that symbolically this was our family's inheritance. Every struggle is for our own good. And I felt an overwhelming gratitude that this magnificent building was so familiar to me--even down to where the drinking fountains are. It was a peaceful moment that I acknowledge as a gift from my Heavenly Father. Peace I needed.

HENRY

We have a new baby in our family. We actually have 2, but I get to see this guy pretty regularly.The greatest part about Henry is to watch the tenderness of my sister and brother in law towards him. He can do no wrong. Every little move he makes or outfit he tries on is celebrated. My sister has long been the favorite aunt--way into my girls. While I know she loves them--they have now been usurped by little Henry. And it is perfect.

ST. GEORGE

I love St. George. After Christmas we got into our new Flexi-Stretcher (the name the girls have given to our new family car) and drove to there. I felt gratitude that we could find a car that works so perfectly for our family and gratitude that we have a place to go in St. George. My parents are very generous and open their home there to us as often as possible. When we walked in, Anna said, "It feels so good to be here." That's how I feel too. When we leave, I always wonder how long before we get to go back. This time, we went on a new hike every single day AND we celebrated Anna's birthday. She is all the way to 5 now.

There's more to say. More that happened. But there's a few highlights now saved. At least now I won't have put all of Christmas away.

A TM article that isn't selling anything but pencils

2011-12-15T07:42:00.002-07:00

Writing Christmas cards with children Utah Mama

Dystopia Real Estate

2011-12-10T11:08:00.002-07:00

Lauren is blogging. Whoa.

Dear YA authors of the world,

Thank you very much for helping me blow my babysitting money on your Nook books every week. It's always an adventure. I love YA fiction. I really do.

But I've run across a problem I think you should know about.

To read more, click here.

I can't help it. I like my front door.

2011-12-09T12:29:00.002-07:00

Christmas Door Decoration Ideas - Utah Mama Utah Mama

Around the Corner

2011-12-08T23:26:00.005-07:00

I'm feeling a little sad tonight. "Little" is actually a good thing in this case because I couldn't boast that status a week ago. Lauren (and everyone around her) really thought she had the part of Belle in the junior high school play. It was a tragic moment when the cast list didn't read her name. She is playing one of the Silly Girls who is crazy for Gaston and an 8th grader is playing Belle. Ever since I've known her, I've easily been able to slip inside Lauren's skin and feel life through her eyes. I'll tell you from personal perspective, this has been tough.

Don't worry though--she is a survivor with all kinds of reserves. And I am a mother who now and then is blessed with the right words to say. Some were these: "May this be the worst thing that ever happens to you!" Even on the edge of the emotional cliff we were both standing on, that made her laugh.

I'm glad to be at the "little" sad place. I know for Lauren it is still quite intense. I hope that my moving forward can help her better see the path too. At the risk of wishing any part of her childhood away, can't junior high end soon?

Pep Talk

2011-11-29T12:33:00.007-07:00

I know. Two blogs in a day? I just talked to Scott and he said he gave Elise a pep talk before school about her piano recital coming up today. She was freaking out last night that she wasn't ready for it. (If you want, you can refer to the other post I wrote this morning.) Scott's pep talk went something like this:

"'Fur Elise' was written for you. Every time you think about today, just say to yourself, 'I own this song. I have paid for it over and over again with hours of practice.' It's your song and you are going to let it fill up the recital hall."

Love it. He is seriously a good dad.

Sitting on the corner

2011-11-29T08:30:00.007-07:00

Today is a big day. First, Lauren has "Beauty and the Beast" auditions at the Junior High. She has been prepping and waiting for this for almost exactly 364 days. Today is one of those moments where we sit on the corner not knowing what is on the other side.

All three of the big girls have their piano recital tonight. They have been prepping for this since June. Their piano teacher pushes them to the point of preparation and then takes them about 100 miles beyond that. I think they could play their songs backwards with a blindfold on. But last night Elise started to tell herself all kinds of naughty stories like, "I'm not really prepared." All I could think to say was, "Delete! Delete! Delete! Yes you are. Yes you are." Elise is playing "Fur Elise" by Beethoven. Their piano teacher says she has hoped for 40 years of teaching to have a student named "Elise" just to have her play that song. It's a little bit of pressure.

Anna is also working on her own song. She has been taking violin for the past two months and has the daunting task of learning "Jolly Old St. Nicholas" so that she can play for the Festival of Trees. She has extraordinary concentration in her lessons but less so in her practice time with me. Yesterday she stopped in the middle of the song to let me know that things are going better with Carson at preschool. Carson is the boy she has a crush on, but hasn't been paying her the time of day. I told she may NOT have a boyfriend, but she can try to be friends with him like she would be with anyone else. She decided on her own to start watching "Star Wars" videos with her dad so she could learn about things that Carson likes. (He was Darth Vadar for Halloween.) Apparently it is working. He said, "Star Wars is so awesome" and Anna said, "I know. I watch it all the time." He even came and sat by her at art. Okay, back to the song.

Sarah has started her indoor soccer season and amazed us all with 3 goals on Saturday. Scott said that is called a "hat trick" in the soccer world. We are reading the BEST BOOK EVER for Mother Daughter Book Club. It's called, Out of My Mind by Sharon Draper and deserves a post all it's own. It is written from the viewpoint of a 5th grader with Cerebral Palsy. It has changed me. I love reading it with Sarah. Elise blazed through it weeks ago and sobbed at the end. This frightens me to get to the end. I don't think I can take anything sad happening to this girl.

I can't end this return to blogging post without saying that this month has brought beginnings and endings for my family. My sweet Grandma Staker died. I can't write too much about that today as typing that sentence just made me start to cry and I need to manage this day well. Within a few days of her death, my brother called from China to tell us I have a new niece. Her name is Eva Mei after my grandma and my sister in law. But she is also known to us as "Little Rabbit." It is the year of the rabbit you know.

A few days later, my nephew Henry Michael arrived. Michael is for my dad but he is sometimes affectionately known as Constantine. I am in love with both of these babies. I hope I will be close to them. Even if they grow up and (heaven forbid) have trouble remembering which of the "aunts" I am, I will always adore them and remember the day they came into our family.

Just in case you weren't able to make it

2011-10-30T21:32:00.003-06:00

Costume Parade

2011-10-30T19:59:00.001-06:00

Here she is as the Cookie Monster. Note the detail: cookie earrings, stuffed cookie monster. She did not take Halloween lightly this year. Lauren as Taylor Swift. If you don't recognize her, watch this video and it will all become clear. I think it would be funny if she walked around with a black marker and a white piece of paper to reply to people all night.

Sarah was little disappointed that people kept mistaking her for Jasmine. Just a Genie please. According to Sarah, "Fourth graders nowadays aren't exactly dressing up like princesses."

I think it is the shoes that make this costume. Out of all the stuffed animals in our basement, we can't believe there is not a little black Toto to ride in the basket. We have decided to be content with a brown puppy (and sometimes a black and white kitty named Oreo.)

PTA Reflections Contest Help

2011-10-25T12:53:00.003-06:00

The PTA Reflections Contest is a national talent competition for students. In an age where art education is dwindling in schools, this contest is a great opportunity to help our children explore their creativity and interpret important topics through art. As mamas, there are lots of things we can do to encourage our kids to enter Reflections. Here are a few ideas:

PTA Reflections Contest Help

Easy Caramel Apples

2011-10-22T08:32:00.004-06:00

Don’t caramel apples sound good this time of year? Yes, it’s true they sound good all the time, but especially right now. Here’s an easy kid friendly way to make them.

Easy Caramel Apples you can make with your kiddos

Eccles Dinosaur Park is the perfect Halloween activity for little ones Utah Mama

2011-10-22T08:30:00.004-06:00

Last Friday afternoon, we met all the cousins in our family at the Eccles Dinosaur Park in Ogden for a play date.

The Park must have an entire warehouse where they store their Halloween decorations, because it was completely haunted. But because it was still daytime, it was not a bit scary for our little spooks, just a lot of silly fun...

Eccles Dinosaur Park is the perfect Halloween activity for little ones

I have four

2011-10-19T10:38:00.015-06:00

A friend recently mentioned my "three daughters."

I corrected her. "I have four."

"You have four?!" She was flabbergasted.

ANNA Right now I am blogging during my "sacred" three hours when Anna is at pre-school. She was so excited to go to school today because the calendar says they are going to "count pumpkin seeds." She said she has been waiting and waiting for this day to come. Yesterday was a big day for her because she got to play on ONE of her violin strings at her lesson. She has been taking lessons for nearly 2 months and so far has practiced with macaroni boxes and toilet paper rolls, but no actual string playing. This has required a great deal of patience on her part. And yes, she is still four. But a very grown up four. She is so grown up that she has become head over heels about a show probably aimed more at 12 year old's called "H2O." It is an Australian TV series about 3 girls who discover they are mermaids. Anna has recently discovered she is a mermaid too and only drinks from straws (if liquid touches her, she grows a tail.) A day at the pool is a day with a little fish. Lest you think she is of limited interests, she has decided to be Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz for Halloween. (Maybe it will be a Dorothy who is secretly a mermaid, but no one will guess that.)

Sarah having a sleepover with her cousins Grace and Abby. Scott was in charge of dinner.

SARAH is thrilled with her new soccer position as keeper. I used to say "goalie" but now I am totally fluent in soccer lingo. I even know what it means when you are "off sides." I also know all the girls on the team and frequently call out their names giving insightful instruction like, "It is time to score" and "We need good defense." I have never played an actual soccer game, but watching a lot of soccer gives you all sorts of brilliant strategies. Anna says that Sarah's hair is getting so long it looks like "Tangled." At first Sarah took offense to this, and then she realized what Anna meant. At her last playdate, Sarah and her friend Hailey played "rock star." She said they performed to lots of people. When I asked who--she said, "Oh Mom, the air, the fireplace, the couch...you know." She has a cool pop voice, but can only sing in front of certain people. I am lucky enough to be one of those people.

ELISE is counting the days to Halloween so she can wear her Cookie Monster costume. She determined this was her path and wouldn't you know it all the Cookie Monster costumes are sold out EVERYWHERE. The only way to get one is on eBay. I am more comfortable with creating costumes from odds and ends in the basement and was NOT happy about paying an eBay price. Elise, luckily, has a new babysitting business that she runs with her friend Klarissa. They have a website and distribute flyers to everyone with children. Thus, Elise paid for half of her costume by counting out babysitting bills $1 at a time. She is SO excited about the Reflections contest at school and plans to enter in music composition, art, and film. (!) She also spends a lot of time pouring over picture books. She has asked me what she needs to major in to assure herself a job as an elementary school librarian.

LAUREN had what I labeled one of the "great days" of 9th grade yesterday. She made Honor's Choir and her short film on "To Kill of Mockingbird" won best of class in English. Today it moves onto a little bigger competition. The prize is the pure joy of it. I hope she wins. She LOVES making movies and has been going crazy with her video camera she received for her birthday. She finally found a video editor program that will work for her and is also stoked about the Reflections contest. Recently, she has been helping me edit a Young Adult novel for a friend of ours. This friend says that she feels very fortunate to have a teen reader because no YA authors do. They rely on agents and editors who say they know how a teen thinks. Lauren (I know I am totally biased) is an amazing editor. The fact that she is a teen is a bonus to reading this genre. She has insights on this book that I would NEVER think of. It's a lot of fun to have this dimension in our lives.

It's UEA weekend starting about 1:30 today and my mind is abuzz trying to think of the "best" ways to spend our time. For sure on Reflections projects. For sure on organizing closets (yippee! the girls will say.) And Scott and I have a few ideas for activities. But we are not telling what they are. It isn't Disneyland by any means. Or even Lagoon. But we think it will be fun. The only clue we've give is that it is something we've never done together as a whole family.

Our favorite night of the month

2011-10-03T11:24:00.001-06:00

Mother Daughter Book Club at the Whitmore Library « « Utah Mama Utah Mama

Masters of disaster

2011-09-21T09:11:00.002-06:00

I wish I could pretend we don’t live on a fault line and that disasters will never happen here, but all the 9/11 remembrances of late have reminded me how important it is to be prepared for the worst. I tend to avoid this because thinking too hard about the “worst case” scenarios–especially for a mom–can cause a lot of anxiety. I think the best advice is to simply take action on the preparedness recommendations and then get back to the mama work of the day . . . Masters of disaster: Helping your family plan ahead for emergencies « « Utah Mama Utah Mama

Family Night Helps

2011-09-18T22:46:00.004-06:00

Here are a few recent thoughts and finds that I hope will help us have better Family Home Evenings:

1. WIG OUT--that stands for What I Got Out of it. We are going to use this not only during FHE, but during scripture study too. I tried it for the first time today on the way to Sunday dinner. I told the girls to "wig out" and tell us what they got out of their lessons in church today. Sometimes the question, "How was your lesson?" only gives back the answer "good." It is important to take the girls to church and have family scripture study, but if they aren't getting anything out of it, it doesn't make a difference.

2. EMERGENCY PREPAREDNESS MINUTE--we did EP last Monday, but I like the idea of doing a short something each week. Tomorrow I want to make our under the bed bags with extra shoes, gloves and flashlights.

3. USE A POWER POINT--last week I made a short power point to go with our lesson. It didn't take long and I had EVERYONE'S complete focus. I use PP's all the time when I'm in a classroom. Why haven't I been using this resource when teaching my family? So I made another short one to go with our lesson for tomorrow. I've included pictures of the girls and links to short videos that go with our topic. It was SO much easier than coloring and cutting lots of visual aides (which I sort of gave up on a long time ago.)

4. STICK TO YOUR GUNS--Our lesson tomorrow night is about becoming less selfish. To prep, I did a FHE web search for ideas. I didn't find one I liked on selfishness, but I found several other really cool ideas. So I told Scott my plan to change to something else. He didn't agree. He said this idea was what we had felt that our family needed right now and we shouldn't switch around because of convenience or an cool lesson idea I ran across on the web.

He's right. Though the "pre-packaged" FHE's are awesome resources, they can also distract us from doing what we feel is the right lesson for our family.

Some of these ideas are from LDS Meridian Magazine. I love C.S. Bezas' lessons and approach to Family Night. They helped me to think through ways to make the most of Monday nights.

Back to School Resolutions

2011-09-15T16:58:00.003-06:00

Here is a Today's Mama article about "Back to School Resolutions." My goal with TM is to earn enough to pay for someone's lesson for something. So far, I can sort of help pay for half of art lessons. But the more articles I have, the more "clicks." It is fun to watch what articles appeal to moms the most. For example, a silly article I wrote about "Look what's new at Wheeler Farm" is my highest clicked on article right now. It is also fun to write for TM because there is a whole community of moms writing and I feel a sort of (strange) camaraderie with these mothers I've never met.

Lauren, my editor, says that my posts for TM are a little too personal. She doesn't mean it in a bad way, but just suggests I make them more informational and less specific to me. Hard to say--because informational articles take away the voice. But I can see what she is saying. Every type of writing has its own purpose and demands its own voice. I love to write, but struggle with justifying it alongside my life's work as a mom. It takes time and it is hard for me to clarify why exactly I do it. For now, my purpose is just the joy of having an idea about how to do this mothering a little better and a place to share it. And then the hope of paying for someone's lesson for something.

http://utah.todaysmama.com/2011/09/15/back-to-school-resolutions/

A blur of information

2011-09-09T09:56:00.000-06:00

We just finished our 2nd week of school. Amazing how quickly you get back into the routine and it is as if summer never happened. It makes me think of Jacob in the Book of Mormon who says their days passed away as if it were "a dream." He lived his whole life in the wilderness, so I don't think her meant a dream come true. I think he meant it all kind of rolled together into one. I sometimes feel like that and wonder if I'll look back at these years of raising the girls as passing away like a dream.

Lauren quit dance. I might do a post about the implications and lessons learned from this later--but for now I will just say I am proud of her for following her heart. Dance was always work for her. I hear about girls who dance for the pure love of it--Lauren did it for nine years for the pure challenge. She is now taking voice lessons and getting prepped for the school play tryouts in December. She also is looking forward to taking another documentary film class next month. It is definitely the more "acceptable" path to keep dancing, but I like that she dares to take the road less traveled. I'm also glad she had the chance to dance in so many beautiful dances for so long. I'm really going to miss watching her dance.

Elise just had her first art show. We are so lucky to have found the perfect art teacher. Elise could sit and paint and draw for hours. Sometimes, she'll stay at art class for 5 hours at a time. She is also working hard on "Fur Elise" for her next piano recital. Her teacher said she has always wanted to have a student named Elise to play that song in a recital. She also recently added 2 feathers to her hair from babysitting money she had saved. Unfortunately, she accidentally combed them out this morning and is weeping many many tears.

Sarah is having a great time playing soccer with her girls soccer league. There are lots and lots of practices and scrimmages--but it no longer seems like a burden to Sarah. She loves to put on her jersey and will be waiting on the porch to leave. When practice is over, she doesn't change her clothes but waits until Scott comes home so they can do more drills in the back yard. Last scrimmage she played goalie and loved it. She hopes they'll put her in as goalie at a real game. On Saturday, her team gets to be the "ball girl" at a BYU Women's Soccer game. Sarah has been waiting for it to be September so that this event would be closer.

Anna is patiently waiting for pre-school to start. To pass the time, we went to pick up her violin in preparation for violin lessons. Anna took it out to the car and declared she is "never ever going to quit" and "will practice every single day." She named her violin "Violet" and opens the case at least once a day to check on how she is doing in there.

Still in the game

2011-09-01T17:50:00.003-06:00

There is this awesome mother of six young children I see at my daughter’s soccer games. Twice a week, she strolls onto the field with close to the same supplies she might need to keep her kiddos happy on a three day camping trip: tarp for the ground, blankets, changes of clothes, snacks, shade umbrella, diapers, bottles, hand held toys and games.

Whenever I see her, I feel a titch guilty. Though I never did it with as much grace, I have totally been there–just not anymore. For me, going to the soccer game means calling out, “Let’s go!” and getting into the car. And that’s it. If I remember to bring a water bottle, it is usually for me . . . read it here...

this morning

2011-08-12T10:19:00.008-06:00

Lauren had plastic surgery this morning on scar tissue left over from an injury she had on her mouth when she was 11. She was giving a little girl named Olivia a piggy back ride at writing camp and face planted on the cement. Even through the panic and the blood and losing her tooth, she said, "I'm so glad nothing happened to Olivia."

Even wearing her surgery robe and glasses, the nurse asked her if anyone had ever told her she looked like Taylor Swift. I wonder if Taylor is as nice as Lauren is.

She was mainly nervous about the needles. There were at least 4 she was awake for. After the surgery, she rode to the car in a wheelchair and later could hardly walk up the stairs to her bedroom.

Her sisters took turns investigating her lip from 2 inches away. I shut her bedroom door and declared this morning to be French Toast in bed day. If Lauren is in bed, everyone else might as well be.

Lauren won't be eating French toast for a while. But even with the stitches, I can tell her lip looks better.

Small thing, but then not so small.

What to do with summer veggies

2011-08-11T11:13:00.003-06:00

Our best strategy for growing a beautiful garden? Wave to it as we walk by. Cheer for it from the kitchen window. And buy all your plants from Lamberts. (Best nursery ever.) That's not to say that this strategy works every year, but this summer we are swimming in veggies. Here are some of our new favorite ways to use this harvest: http://utah.todaysmama.com/2011/08/10/what-to-do-with-all-those-summer-vegetables/

We also had our first harvest from "Charlotte Anne" the apple tree. She gave us 2 small crab apples that Sarah picked and Anna ate for dinner.

It's like we are living on a farm.

Bread for a Starving Blog

2011-08-05T11:37:00.003-06:00

Okay--if my blog were a Webkinz pet, it would be starving and sick in bed. Kind of sad, because I love my blog. I have just crossed a finish line from a very long stretch of challenging (and good) experiences.

But the finish line is very crowded with girls that need lots of attention and my sweet Sarah selling Great Harvest Bread cards as a fund raiser for her soccer team. They are $20 and give you 12 buy one get one free of any bread (wheat, pumpkin, chocolate chip etc.) that you can use once a month.

When I was little and had to do things like this, my answer was send it to work with Dad. Now I'm wondering if Dad really sold any at all. Maybe he just pretended to sell them and still has a secret stash in his desk of pizza coupons, wrapping paper and chocolate Easter eggs.

Which is just what I might do. Which also means I'll be giving out a lot of bread this Christmas. Loaf after loaf. Fresh out of the freezer.

But don't worry. If you want one too, we'll save you a card.

And that, my friends, is all I can feed my little blog today.

Love,

Carrie

Thoughts on Sunday Dinner

2011-07-17T23:18:00.004-06:00

I seriously can count on one hand the number of times I've made Sunday dinner in 18 years of marriage. Scott's family had a very serious Sunday dinner tradition. Grandma Luella was the president of this tradition. If ever there was an empty Sunday, it wasn't. Even two weeks before she died at 98, we were at her house for Sunday dinner.

Now without her here, I find myself with lots more empty Sundays and lots more cooking. Today was one of them. As unaccustomed to cooking on Sundays as I am, Sunday dinner still takes me by surprise. Tonight I pulled it off with 8 frozen burritos we had in the freezer. Don't judge. I baked them with enchilada sauce on top. Then I put rice in the rice cooker and mixed it with salsa at the end. It was okay. At Grandma's there would have been appetizers (in little glasses and or with little forks), the good china, and a dessert with caramel sauce sprinkled over the top. When I compare it to tonight's burritos, I am amazed at the dinners she pulled off for decades. What day was a day of rest for her?

Aunt Judy said that Grandma didn't necessarily like to cook-but she knew the power of food to gather family. Without her cooking, we aren't gathering as much as we used to. I miss seeing Scott's cousins that became as close to me as sisters. As we passed the corn, poured water, and dried the gold forks and spoons, we also built relationships.

Sometimes I moan about the hassle it is to grocery shop and plan meals. And then I'll moan about the hours I spend standing in the kitchen prepping all of it. I never heard Grandma moan. Whenever I told her we could make it on Sunday, she responded as if she had never heard anything so wonderful in all of her life--as if it wasn't what we did nearly every single Sunday. She might not have loved to cook, but she loved the people she cooked for. Having every seat full around the table was worth the work.

Grandma has been gone for a year and we are still getting used to her not being here. There is extra room now for new traditions and new ways for the constellation of our family to arrange itself. Right now, I think my girls are happy to arrange themselves around burritos on Sunday afternoon.

But as they grow older, the competition might heat up. I think the best solution will be to pass the chef hat to Scott--the real cook in the family. Maybe by then Scott can retire from lawyering and I can rely on his Bobby Flay cooking to be the siren call home. I can set the table and make cool appetizers and then Scott can dazzle them with "Shredded Chicken and Tomatillo Tacos with Queso Fresco" or whatever fancy schmancy recipe he comes up with. When that happens, Sunday burritos will be a thing of the distant past. We will have no trouble filling the seats at our table. Guaranteed. And while my children, grand-kids and in-laws put away chairs and scrub the pots clean (Scott's cooking equals lots of messy pots), they will also grow connections. And maybe we can help Sunday be for them, what it has been so long for us: a day to rest. A day to gather. A day to love.

She's Nine!

2011-06-26T15:25:00.008-06:00

We celebrated big number 9 with our little Sare Bear this week. She couldn't think of anything that she wanted for her birthday besides a journal and a limo ride. Scott made a deal with her that temple marriage = limo ride. We bought her a journal and a little pink i-Pod and there was no disappointment.

Sarah spent a total of 21 hours playing soccer last WEEK. I'm serious. Her sunburn from St. George has turned to a tan and she looks pretty sporty going out to play everyday. She plays defense for her Murray Max team and her favorite part is their team cheer they do at the end.

When she grows up, she wants to marry a man who will be the President of the United States. She plans to run a preschool in the basement of the White House that will be cheap enough that lots of kids can afford to come.

The best moments are when Sarah says, "Do you want to hear my new song?" and then she belts it out with no trace of shyness. Whenever Anna has a friend over, Sarah takes it as a personal assignment to keep them entertained as students in her preschool (she is always practicing for the White House.) The other night as she crawled in bed she said, "I just want to curl up in bed and set sail."

There is a quiet charm about her that attracts people. Ever since her first pre-school class, there are girls (and boys) clambering to be her best friend. When someone asks her to name her best friend, she says the best strategy is to say, "I like all of my friends" just so she doesn't hurt feelings.

I secretly hope that her best friend is me.

Happy birthday to my little nine year old.

Broadway in the Park

2011-06-26T14:59:00.009-06:00

(Journal photo courtesy of Lauren Photography)

Last night we went to see "The Scarlet Pimpernel" at the the community amphitheater. Before you judge, let me just say it was amazing. Earlier this month, Lauren came with me to interview the show's leads for a journal article. They were rehearsing in a fire station using folding chairs for props and wearing flip flops. But we were both in awe of the leads. Even in the fire station, their voices completely held us.

The real show did not disappoint. Margerite, who has sung professionally for years, played the role like it was somewhere far away from Murray Park. Usually I am counting the songs left in a community play production, but I last night I was lost in the story and the music.

Elise knew nothing about this musical. Part of my joy was watching her face as she watched the show. When she was five, we took her to see "Wicked" in Chicago. (I'm not sure how they let us in...) But at one point during "Wicked" she was so overcome that she stood on her head on the theater seat. She reacts in big ways. She didn't stand on her head last night, but she was lit up from the inside. Right now she is downloading "Scarlet Pimpernel" songs on a Broadway playlist.

Another one of my favorite memories of watching a musical, was the night Scott and I walked into "Thoroughly Modern Millie" on Broadway. I knew nothing about the show and had my mouth open the whole time watching Sutton Foster tap dance to her typewriter. Afterwards we went to Magnolia Bakery for a cupcake. It was midnight and there was a line around the building. It was the best cupcake I've ever had.

Funny that a night around the corner could trigger the memory of a favorite night so far from home. There is something sweet about experiencing musicals with people you love.

The Childhood They are Really Having . . .

2011-06-23T00:52:00.002-06:00

I took this photo on the last day of school. We went to Corner Bakery for lunch. On the way there, I told the girls we were on a bridge driving away from one part of our lives to another one. (There were a few cat calls from the back seat about this metaphor, but I think they felt the significance of the moment.)

Later, while waiting for our food, I asked the girls what they would call the "high" and the "low" of their school year. Their words surprised me. I tried to guess what I thought they would say, but each time I didn't have it exactly right. It reminded me of what a mother mentor Janine Basgaard said in one of her books, "You're children are not having the childhood you think they are. But don't worry, they'll tell you about it later."

Lauren

High: Oklahoma play and Miss LaFortune's English class.

Low: Kissing auditions for the Oklahoma play and the lunch room project.

She explained that the lunchroom project was both a low and a high. Low, because it was hard and a high because she learned a lot of cool things from doing it. (There are so many awesome entries on this on her blog--Being Me.) I had always considered the lunch room project such a triumph. I hadn't considered that it was born out of a struggle and continued to be one. I also had no idea the kissing auditions were still plaguing her. I never did blog about that one, but one day in the grocery store I got a text: "Mom--they are having kissing auditions." There is no mom reference for how to reply to that.

Elise

High: "I have so many amazing friends."

Low: ?

I really thought Elise's low would be that Klarissa, her best friend since she was two, was leaving our ward. But Elise said she prayed about it and knew it was going to be okay. I also thought her high would be winning the practice trophy for piano lessons. Elise received a perfect practice score this year and earned the coveted piano cup. While she said "that was really cool," friends trumped it all. I guess I could have called that.

Sarah

Low: Being in a class without my friends.

High: Overcoming it.

At the start of the school year, she wished she could wake up and have her teacher assignment for the year be a bad dream. I loved that she discovered a strength within herself she didn't know she had. And she said it so eloquently.

Anna

Low: When Erica went on a trip.

High: Eating a mango.

When you are four, I guess it is sort of hard to think past yesterday and today. It is true, Anna adores Erica and was not happy when she went out of town for Memorial Day. And Anna recently discovered mangoes at her friend Maren's house. She ate 2 by herself and wants to know if we can grow a mango tree in the back yard.

Even as we crossed the bridge, it was fun to stop and look back at where we've come from. We had to look right then, because as days move forward, the bridge disappears into a hazy memory. I read a book on Saturday by Hilary Weekes. She said, "I have an eternity to know my children as adults, and these brief moments to know them as children."

I'm still sitting under a tree

2011-06-20T23:33:00.005-06:00

Well, I sort of do need medical attention. I'm not feeling too hot right now, but appreciated today's relative calmness of driving my girls back and forth to summer camps and soccer practice. Today the only things I think I was particularly good at were:

1. Making sure there was milk in the fridge.

2. Making sure I had enough gas in the car.

This is mothering in it's bare essentials.

When I was in college I would work really hard on all the essays I had to write. Really hard. When I would get them back from my professors, usually they would have nice comments on them. I remember getting a difficult essay back one afternoon during finales and just sitting under a tree for a very long time reading and re-reading the comments, not caring if I did anything else that day. I just needed to roll around in the feeling of finishing something hard before I could face any other task. Like walking back to my apartment and eating food.

I guess this is sort of how I've felt today. I am sitting under a tree happy that I have finished something hard. Pretty soon I need to get up and get back to work. But for now, I'm just going to sit here for a minute.

These pictures make me happy. This is Elise with her writing group from the afternoon session of camp. The girl in the yellow shirt was her "writing coach" that worked with her group. Elise didn't need a lot of coaching on her story though. She handed in an excerpt from her novel she has been working on for a long time. It's really good--I know I could never write anything like that. It's called "Redwood" and maybe she'll post some excerpts some time. This is Sarah having her book "Hazzardous Universe" signed by the author Julie Wright. After she spoke to our campers, she spent the afternoon working on her laptop in the lobby. It was a cool visual aide for a writing camp. We also had Brandon Mull the author of the "Fablehaven" series come speak at camp. My nephew Drake (who is standing behind Sarah) was much more excited about camp (especially Brandon Mull) than he looks in this photo.

This is Lauren as an intern at camp. She acted as the "coach" for this group of writers. They are holding their camp magazine they published at the end of the week. Lauren was really awesome to write personal notes to each one of these girls and encourage them in their writing. She's sweet like that.

I know it sort of sounds like this camp was filled with me and my relatives, but the crazy thing is I hardly knew anyone that came. In a weird way, it is like I had a baby (named Write On) that is growing up to have this life of it's own. I worried a lot before camp and especially the first day that it wasn't going to be the camp that all of these people (including me) hoped it would be. But kind of like my own kids, it keeps surprising me, delighting me (and making me happily tired.)

Please Forgive Her

2011-06-17T20:54:00.004-06:00

(A blog by Lauren, by the way, before we get confused.)

You're going to have to excuse the lack of blogs over the past month. See, allow me to share some wisdom I've learned after living in this house for fourteen years: when someone (Carrie) is preparing to teach an entire summer camp on writing, the process generally involves doing no writing. Namely blogging.

Every year around May, our house goes into Complete and Utter Chaos mode. If the dishes aren't done, if Anna is running around the backyard half dressed with lipstick smeared across her forehead, you really can't blame my mom. She has a breaking point and then she has a broken point. Write On! Workshops tends to push her to a crumbling fragments point.

Every year around June, there's some kind of subconscious countdown echoing through the house. Seven days until writing camp. Six days until writing camp. There's a little checklist on Carrie's phone to remind her of things to do she would probably forget to do otherwise, like "Iron the official camp table cloths", "Send out official camp intern orientation emails" and "Feed my daughters".

In addition to the whole disregard for blogging going on in this house, there's a disregard for bedtimes, a disregard for seat belts, and a disregard for almost everyone's typical early morning hair-and-make-up ritual.

Then, the moment of truth arrives. Carrie slaps her groggiest new intern (yours truly) awake at six AM on a summer Monday morning. She packs the back of her car with a weight usually only accustomed to a semi, using some sort of magic to fit a bubble gum machine, three directors chairs, poster boards, markers, snacks, and notebooks all into the back of the mini van. She drags her portable classroom all the way to Westminster college.

She hauls out table cloths, pretzels, banners, laptops, and jars of pens. She unpacks a giant box of professionally printed Write On! Workshop t-shirts. She arranges author visits, lesson plans, four Write On! magazines and one newspaper through the week.

Somehow, she always has this big, happy smile on her face, like she does children's camps spontaneously for the fun of it between summer vacations. Like she's going to go home and play soccer with her kids and who knows? Maybe help someone on their summer reading homework or cook a family dinner.

But on the drive home, her face slowly starts to melt. Usually through the week, it's a ten to eleven hour day before she makes it home. And she'll pull into the garage and suddenly look like she needs medical attention. I don't know how she does it. But she'll drag herself into the computer room and start planning tomorrow. The next day, she'll be back in front of the third graders with a spring in her step.

To those kids, she's a miracle worker. To her kids, she's the woman that abandoned us at our piano lesson this week. To her blog followers, she's MIA.

But the whole show went off without a hitch this year, like it always does, because you'll never find anybody more dedicated. As long as, you know, you don't see what's going on backstage. Write On! Workshops was a huge success, with more kids, more interns, better writing and cooler t-shirts than it ever has before. I could write almost forever about the one on one instruction, the incredible guest speakers. But this post is long enough.

In closing: miracle worker. So don't judge her too harshly.

www.writeonworkshops.com

14 Today

2011-06-03T15:25:00.003-06:00

14 years ago today, I became a mom. Scott and I put this little baby in the back of our Sidekick and drove home from the hospital with NO INSTRUCTION MANUAL. The nurse handed us a brochure on immunizations and then sent us out the door to raise her. There wasn't any traffic, but Scott drove home at 20 miles an hour. The whole way.

I used to stare at her little bald head and just wish wish wish I could see her with a full head of hair. But more than that I wondered, what will she be like? What will she sound like? What kinds of things will we do together?

And now here we are 14 years later--and I am not one bit disappointed. She is smart, pretty and has a lot of beautiful hair. But most importantly, she has a kind heart. And she is one of my best friends.

I'm not sure I would have believed me 14 years ago, but it goes by in a blink. Seriously. One minute I am spooning her strained peaches in a high chair and the next I am driving her junior high car pool. The challenge of being the oldest is you get two parents who have zero experience (or instruction manual) and just stumble their way through. But what we lack in experience, we make up double and triple fold in love. She has always been a celebrated child. Every day with her is a day to celebrate. Happy birthday Lauren! We love you!

My scrap booking solution

2011-05-15T23:34:00.005-06:00

I just finished my scrap booking for the week. After years of feeling guilty about not documenting my family photos, I've finally found something that is working for me.

Every Sunday, I log on to Becky Higgins. There, I work on creating my family digital scrapbook for 2011. I upload from my camera and my phone whatever photos I've taken during the week and put them in the book labeled "Family Scrapbook." The week by week book has a place for me to put seven of the week's favorite photos and a place to write about them. I can say for the first five months of 2011, my family is very well documented.

Then, I open up my girls' individual digital scrapbook folders. I've decided (after seriously so much pondering) to give each of my girls a baby scrapbook, an elementary scrapbook, and a junior high-high school scrapbook. I put special photos from the week that are just about them in these individual books.

When I explain it, it sounds like it takes a lot of time. Truly, it doesn't. I'm not doing anything fancy, just dropping in the photos and putting a quick note. But my notes are current and immediate. I can remember specific things the girls said or just how they felt because it just happened a couple of days ago.

This is such a far cry from my old system of trying to back track and pull photos out of the archives. I love that I am taking pictures with a purpose and documenting them right away. I do have years of doing this through blogs, but my blogs are inconsistent and often linked to other sites. This makes it hard for me to print them as a documented family history.

I have lots of lost years of undocumented photos sitting on my computer. I need to slowly start placing those in the girls' baby and elementary books. But now that I have a plan and a method to this madness, I think I can slowly conquer it.

I have a baby book for Anna I made on Shutterfly about her first year of life. At least twice a week I find it in some random place in the house. She takes it off the shelf and looks at it again and again.We all like to know where we came from. We like to remember people and places and experiences that created us. That's why scrap booking (and blogging) is so important.

After a particularly trying year, I remember my friend Delyna made it a top priority to scrapbook the many good things that had happened to her family that year. There are always reasons to celebrate. Even just the fact that we are together tonight in a quiet house is reason to celebrate. A scrapbook allows me to freeze small moments like this in between a couple of pages. It's becoming one of my favorite Sunday rituals.

what I should be doing right now . . .

2011-04-29T16:40:00.005-06:00

I have no sweet photos of my girls to post or big news, I just feel like blogging to avoid the real writing I need to be doing right now. I have four articles due for the Journal on Monday. It's sort of like the feeling of being in school again and having homework assignments. Not fun. Except--the stories themselves can be fun. I have to admit I like learning about the generous or exceptional things people are doing in my community and I like the chance to tell their story. I'm just not always very confident I am the best one to tell it. This can be a big problem. Last night at a Journals training meeting, I left feeling way out of my league. The writers there have real journalism degrees and real experience on big and small papers. They are also, as a whole, quite a confident group of people. It takes a certain confidence to approach strangers (and even friends) and ask for their story. This is a weak link for me.

On my way home from the meeting I had to stop at the Murray Theatre. They are running rehearsals there for an original musical called "Shelter." All the proceeds from it go towards homeless shelters in the valley. (Isn't that cool?) It took every ounce of courage for me to walk through the theatre door and begin talking to strangers about their show. It was pretty dark--well past 9:00--and I really wanted to go home. But after I found my way in, talked to a couple of actors and the director, I left thinking, "What a great group of people. I should take Lauren to the show with me. . ." etc. I guarantee I would never know about this otherwise. And then there is that hope that I can do a good job telling their story . . .

Today I went to the Arbor Day program in the park. Elise won the poster contest for her school and was part of an awards presentation. This is another story I need to write for the Journal. Not a bad thing to write about something I was going to attend anyway. But I found it added both an extra element of interest (I paid way more attention) and stress (I'm trying to take photos and tape record while opening Anna's Fritos and keeping the blanket around us.)

What I think I need to do here is a little goal setting:

1. Act as if. This is a throw back from something I learned at Academy for Girls I think. I am not a confident reporter. But I'd do well to pretend I am. Might help me to write better too.

2. Stop complaining about it. Just do it. Or don't. No one is forcing you.

3. Read one newspaper article each day. I'm not a newspaper reader. It's an art to write these well and I want to get better at it. .

This is really the kind of thing I should have written in my journal for only me. If you read this whole thing, you must be my dear friend. Thanks.

Happy Easter

2011-04-24T15:32:00.007-06:00

I am so grateful for Easter Sunday. Because of what we celebrate today, there is a way for the joy I have in being with my family to continue forever. When I make a mistake, or any of us make mistakes, all is not lost. There is way back.

This morning before church, we read from Jesus the Christ about resurrection morning. Scott made breakfast and all four of our sweet daughters listened to him read while they ate their orange rolls. Sometimes I start missing a moment even in the middle of it actually happening. This was one of them. (And it was not just because Scott made the food and everyone was actually going to wear what I picked out for them.)

It was because I like things so well the way they are that I don't want anything to change. But because of the Savior's love and great sacrifice for all of us, I don't have to mourn change. There is not even great fear in death. Our families and our relationships do not end. There is nothing better to celebrate than this.

(Scott would probably want me to note that he picks out his own clothes.)

Laundry

2011-04-19T16:09:00.002-06:00

I have a lot of it waiting upstairs. Love this perspective on it via my friend Emily.

http://notionsonnesting.blogspot.com/

Do you have a favorite poem?

2011-04-18T16:12:00.002-06:00

It seems like my favorite is always the latest cool one I'm reading.

Sometimes on the treadmill, I'll remember a line from an Emily Dickinson poem about a train, "I love to see him lap the miles."

There's always the "Two roads diverged in yellow wood/And sorry I could not travel both/And be one traveler long I stood . . ." I liked this poem a lot when I was younger and looking at lots of paths.

Then there is this poem I read once while I was teaching at Millcreek Junior High. It was from a random poetry anthology in the school library. It said, "Oh my child out live me! For I can bear my own death but once." Sorry. I know that's super sad. But every time I hear of a child dying, I remember this line from that poem and wish I could find it again.

And I know this is so familiar that it's cliche, but Shakespeare's Sonnet 116 is really beautiful. It's so beautiful and I haven't read it in such a long time, that I think I'll quote it all right here:

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments. Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark

That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,

Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

Within his bending sickle's compass come:

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved,

I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

I've been married for 18 years. This poem means something more to me now than it did when I first read it in college. Back then, the idea of this was what appealed to me. Now, the lines hit home. I wonder if time is a test of great poetry. Does the poem become more true as time passes?

This guy finds really fun poetry. I've been getting an e-mail a day from his blog this month introducing me to new poems: 30 Poets in 30 Days « « Utah Mama Utah Mama

Lauren's HUNGER GAMES FYI

2011-04-12T16:57:00.002-06:00

I looked back on blogs of school years past- all eight of them. On one of my better named blogs, in my opinion, Read My Print: A Blog for All Book Maniacs (but mainly one) I wrote book reviews for anyone in the world that cared, fifth grade through seventh. Most of my posts were endless; they took up pages. If you've ever had a book discussion with me, you'll know why this is. I found the blog to be good therapy.

On these endless blogs, I tended to score about two to three comments from people who felt bad for me. The final post, however, was a complete hit, and it went like this:

News Flash

There is going to be a Hunger Games movie coming out in 2011! I'm very excited. I have confidence in it to stay close to the book, too, because the author, Suzanne Collins, is writing the screen play. Tell you when I hear more!

Two lines. Really? Apparently that's all you have to do to get followers around here, post about The Hunger Games movie. Even though I never posted again, (possibly out of outrage at the injustice done to my book reviews), I did hear more about the movie. Plenty more. And anyone who lives with me can vouch.

As a little experiment, I'd like to see if the magic of a Hunger Games post still holds. Here's the lowdown for all the only slightly less devoted fans on The Hunger Games movie- starring your new cast.

To read Lauren's HUNGER GAMES FYI, click here and be sure to comment!

Lauren's Spring Break

2011-04-12T15:50:00.003-06:00

March was full of blenders and sand dunes.

To see Lauren's Spring Break videos, click HERE . . .

Is my blog becoming Woman's Day Magazine?

2011-04-12T08:59:00.001-06:00

Well, that would be sort of a big stretch.

Easy, no-mess Easter crafts - Utah Mama Utah Mama

Our kitchen gallery

2011-04-11T08:51:00.001-06:00

Simple solution for displaying children’s artwork « « Utah Mama Utah Mama

Maybe I should retire my party planning career and give it over to Ariel

2011-04-08T09:12:00.001-06:00

Costco is printing this picture for us as I write this. Anna wants it by her bed.

Best Birthday Party Idea Ever « « Utah Mama Utah Mama

My commercial for indoor rock climbing

2011-03-24T15:43:00.001-06:00

Looking for a Spring Break activity? Try indoor rock climbing

It was seriously fun.

Advice for working moms from a 93 year old

2011-03-21T22:08:00.002-06:00

I liked the way this one turned out. She is such a dear lady. Every time I have a deadline for the Murray Journal, I think I want to quit. But then I get to meet people like Ethel and think maybe I'll do it another month . . .

Advice for working moms from a 93 year old « « Utah Mama Utah Mama

It was a hit

2011-03-20T23:03:00.006-06:00

This week, our family watched "Oklahoma!" on the junior high stage three nights in a row. It was worth every penny.

Now that the play is over, Anna is crying that she misses Oklahoma. The girls made her feel better by playing the whole show again with Anna's Barbies. Anna called to be Laurey.

Sarah said when she is in junior high she is going to be in all the shows. "And if I don't make it," she said, "I'll just go see all of them."

Lauren makes everything look like so much fun. We know she is sad that it is over, but we are happy she'll be coming home again after school. We've missed her. Congratulations on another great show! We're proud of you Lauren!

Living Apostles

2011-03-20T08:20:00.006-06:00

I'm working on my Sunday School lesson and found this cute song to help memorize the order of the Prophet and the Apostles. I always think about little facts about the apostles when I hear them speak, like "Elder Nelson is a heart surgeon" or "Elder Holland went on his mission to England" etc. I'd like my girls and my Sunday School class to begin to know and have tender feelings towards the apostles when they hear them speak.

At BYU, one of my favorite religion classes was "Teachings of the Living Prophets." My professor said one thing he had noticed from a lifetime of studying the lives of the apostles is that when they made a mistake, they repented and never made that same mistake again. I've always remembered that and hoped to be more like that--never repeating an error, but always moving forward. Another BYU thought that comes to mind is that our ultimate goal is to repent of sinning. I'd like to be this way, but alas! find myself struggling with the same weaknesses over and over. We are so lucky to have the example of of living apostles to look to for inspiration.

I'm looking forward to General Conference two weekends from now. There are talks at conference that have been so powerful that I can remember the exact place I was sitting when I first heard them. I remember listening to Elder Eyring's talking about regret over not sharing the gospel with his friend. I heard that in the Bear Lake cabin. I remember Elder Holland's talk about the Prodigal Son. I was sitting at my kitchen counter. I was listening on my car radio to Elder Bednar's talk about the "parable of the pickle." Hmmm. Maybe my goal for this next conference should be to sit still.

A non-member Christian friend of mine recently told me that what she loved about Christian churches is the smorgasboard of good things available from each church. I know each Christian church has good things to offer, but I have a strong testimony that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints does not have "pieces" of the good things. It has all good things. It is all the goodness of all the Christian churches in one place. I am grateful for this testimony and for the living prophets.

Oklahoma!

2011-03-14T22:07:00.006-06:00

This is Lauren and this picture has very little to do with the school musical- I just thought you'd like to see Anna give you a sneak peak at the expression you'll see on all men ensemble's face. Hat and all. Minus the sparkles.

Seeing as this is the second blog I've posted with this title, something's up. Two words. On second thought, one word. Oklahoma! . . . read more HERE . . .

The purpose of the task

2011-03-04T08:32:00.006-07:00

I discovered this quote last week from my blogging and scrap booking hero Becky Higgins. It has made such a difference in how I approach each task, each day.

When I picked up Elise from swimming, I turned off my book tape and listened. Because the purpose of the task is to strengthen the relationship.

When Sarah needed help with her Marco Polo project, I chose my advice and words with greater care. Because the purpose of the task is to strengthen the relationship.

When my mom asked me to attend a viewing with her and we ended up totally lost driving around for 40 minutes in the dark, I laughed with her and looked at it as more time to talk. Because the purpose of the task is to strengthen the relationship.

When we took Lauren to parent conferences this week, I tried to let her do more of the talking and was in absolutely no hurry. Because the purpose of the task is to strengthen the relationship.

When Anna wanted a piggy back ride on the way to emptying her clean clothes basket, I let her climb right on. Because the purpose of the task is to strengthen the relationship.

When my family invited me to watch a show in the movie room, I did not bring my planner along and try to do 10 things at once. I snuggled in the blankets with them and just watched. Because the purpose of the task is to strengthen the relationship.

For me, this thought changes everything.

Enough about summer camp already right?

2011-03-03T09:04:00.007-07:00

Just in case any of you would like to sign up your kiddos for any U of U summer camps--I wrote about it HERE.

Every year I almost don't do it, but I keep going back. This year my big draw is that Lauren gets to work as my T.A. for the elementary kids' "Writing Magic" class again. It's for Sarah's age group and so I sign up Sarah too. (The photo is of Sarah and Lauren in the U cafeteria during camp last summer. Love that one.) I'm really grateful for that opportunity. I teach one more class there for teens. They're a bunch of really good writers. Last summer, I submitted their writings from the week to "Creative Kids Magazine" and 7 of them were published. No kidding. I wonder what the odds are of that happening again.

I hate leaving Anna for that many days in the summer and I am already sort of dreading it, but now that she is 4 I could sign her up for the "Pee Wee Picasso" class at the U for part of the time. I think she would feel so grown-up. Only a babysitter would have to drive her there and back. Hate that.

I'm also grateful just to be a fake working mom. It would be really tough to do that all of the time.

Family Home Evening Last Night

2011-03-01T17:28:00.004-07:00

Yesterday I randomly started telling Anna about Noah's Ark. In retrospect this was probably not the best idea because she has this crazy fear of tornadoes and earthquakes . . . anyway, I think the crux of it was I was amazed that she didn't know Noah's story. As I was telling it to her, she kept crinkling up her forehead and saying, "Is this for real?" By the afternoon, she had the story down and kept pumping me for more of the details. The stressed to her over and over the promise of the rainbow. "God promises not to do that ever again." (I'm hoping she won't start really worrying about floods.)

That night, we decided to use her new found knowledge in Family Home Evening. I printed out cute graphics HERE and Anna told the story.

The lesson I printed asked these questions:

1. Are there things that God asks us to do today that others might make fun of?

This led to a discussion of no sleepovers, no dating or fake-dating before your 16, and keeping the Word of Wisdom.

2. What is the ARK in your life that God has told you to build to keep you safe?

The answers the girls gave were the Standards of Youth pamphlet, the Faith in God pamphlet and the scriptures.

I expected this lesson to focus mainly on cheering for Anna learning a scripture story. I haven't spent a lot of time thinking too deeply about the meaning of Noah's story to my family right now. During our discussion, I felt so so grateful for the "arks" we have built around us to give us a place to take shelter from the rain of the world. One of these arks, incidentally, is family home evening. It would be scary to try and do this whole thing alone.

Our new site is finished

2011-02-24T15:56:00.004-07:00

I kind of like it. It's not perfect, but it has features I like. For example, we can take camp registration on line instead of waiting for the postman.

And we have a blog on it.

It is our 5th year doing camp, but scary every time. Is it going to work? Will we get kids to come? Is Anna going to be okay when I'm gone? Will I find a good author?

I keep reminding myself that it doesn't matter THAT much. Just a hobby. Everything other than what I MOST need to be doing right now (like getting the girls from school, helping Anna on Starfall, and figuring out what is for dinner) is just a hobby.

Here's a camp promo I wrote for Today's Mama: Summer Camp Suggestion « Utah Mama Utah Mama

And here's the site: http://www.writeonworkshops.com/

It's sort of too late to tell me things you don't like about it. We've paid the man. Just tell me it looks great and everything is going to work out fine.

My Four Daughters

2011-02-06T22:56:00.004-07:00

This week I showed up to help with an arts and crafts project in Sarah's classroom and I found her on the ground becoming partially mummified. They made masks like the Inca's did and then painted them. Sarah still sometimes says she wishes this year were a dream and she was in the other 3rd grade classroom with all of her friends, but she is discovering new strengths from having to make new friends and balance her recess time. I love this kid. She also has chosen to start playing the piano instead of violin and is going to be a Max Soccer girl.

This is Sarah and her friend Deandra. Deandra waits for Sarah everyday at lunch so they can play during recess even though they are in separate classes.

Here is my Anna Banana. She suggested today that we start calling her Annabeth. I like it--her middle name is Elizabeth so it is an honest name to call her I guess. My sister says every picture I post of her on the blog makes her look like a special needs child. Is this true? I think she looks beautiful. She told me this morning that she had a bad dream and it was so scary that I couldn't even handle hearing about it. Here is Anna with her friend Hailey. My life with Anna is a constant stream of playdates. Many many times however, Anna will play with Sarah. Sarah loves to play school, dance class and babysitter with Anna. Most of the time is goes great unless Anna decides she wants to be the teacher. Then the whole thing ends in tears.

The other night I came into Elise's room and found her playing her own personal game of Bananagrams before bed. I like this photo because it shows a picture of her namesake aunt in the background. This is just the kind of photo my mom might have taken of Krissi when she was a girl. (Or really now too.)

Elise has a regular babysitting job each week babysitting Rachel. She takes it very seriously and carefully manages the $3 she earns for watching her while Rachel's mom cuts hair.

I do have a 4th daughter, but no photos to post of her. Do you think she'd mind if I came to junior high and snapped a couple of photos during lunch or play practice? Sorry Lauren--I don't mean to leave you out of this post.
Lauren is working hard at balancing her grades, dance, piano and play practice. She often has 12 hour days. We miss her. But when she is home, she is so loving and attentive to her sisters. I'm not sure if I was ever that awesome to my family in 8th grade--was I? Today she spent most of her Sunday afternoon reading aloud a new favorite book to Elise. What I really need to do is get a picture of Lauren with her Nook. It is hands down the best Christmas gift she's ever received. She is really tall and really pretty and borrows a lot of my clothes.

The End

An ordinary day

2011-01-17T06:59:00.005-07:00

I'm reading the greatest book called "The Gift of an Ordinary Day" by Katrina Kenison. It has come to me at just the time I need it. As she writes she is in her forties (I'm not there yet) and her two boys are becoming teenagers (I'm there now.) She recognizes that the time that moved for so long in slow motion is now on a fast forward and family life as she knows it will soon change. Here is a quote from her book that I'm holding on to as I start this day:

"It's time for me to visualize again if only to remind myself to begin each day with gratitude for what is rather than worrying so much about what still might be. I now know that although each day does afford us opportunity to start again, the days are numbered after all. Instead of regretting what's over and done with I want to be glad for life as it is right now, accepting that we are, each one of us struggling long as best we can to become the people we are meant to be. Instead of mourning the passage of time, I want to live with a sense of abundance in the here and now knowing that what we have is exactly enough. Instead of wishing that my (daughters) could be somehow other than they are, I want to remind myself to see, every day, what is already good in each of them and to love that . . ." (p. 18)

Lauren spoke in church yesterday on pure testimony. Hard to think of another sacrament meeting that is more dear to me.

Here is Elise reading. She reads while she eats. She reads while she combs her hair. She reads by the fire and in the bathtub.

Sarah played in a girls' indoor soccer tournament this weekend. It adds a new dimension to our family to spend the weekend at soccer games. A lot of fun.

Anna's hair is finally growing out enough to do braids and buns. She will inspect the hair do and say, "I don't look like myself." I guess it's the new four year old self.

I don't want anything other than what we have right now. These little girls, who are not exactly so little, are exactly enough.

This Is Lauren

2010-12-31T17:16:00.004-07:00

Happy new year! SOME people claim to have never got the memo, so here's my blog address.
http://www.thelaurenjane.blogspot.com/
And seeing as my blog never made it to the "friends and family" list, I'm going to add myself. Hope that's okay with you, Mumsy, (I was begining to worry there was a reason).
Love from,
(Obviously) LAUREN

9 things to love about Christmas 2010

2010-12-28T08:53:00.009-07:00

1. Music: On Christmas Eve, Elise, Sarah, Lauren and my nephew Tate played "Carol of the Bells" together. I know I'm the mom, but I could have listened to it at least 3 more times. 2. Memories: Grandpa Fred had all of us Finlinson's and Fox's recall Christmas memories with Jeanne and Merrill. It was their passing that created the F2 family. We've never ever done anything like that before. I liked it.
3. Gifts from the heart: This stays strong as one of the best things we do at Christmas. It is so great to have the girls "stressing" about Christmas with phrases like, "How am I going to finish my presents in two days?!" So works. Lauren and Elise made me an altered book. Anna helped Scott make me a jewelry hanger. Elise painted Lauren an ice cup. Sarah made Elise a new dance bag. Elise is giving Sarah art lessons. It's a blast.
4. The new Wii: Is it okay to say this? The best is watching Anna sword fight in her little owl jammies.

5. Christmas breakfast: This was the first year we made our own Christmas breakfast instead of going to Grandma Finlinson's house. We miss her so much. But it was fun to start a new tradition and make snickerdoodle french toast.

6. Harwood Drive memories: My mom and dad made us a memory movie of the house we grew up in before they moved. We watched it together on Christmas day. I love their new house, but I'm so glad they created a piece of the old house to keep.

7. Bananagrams: It is our new family favorite game.

8. Boxing Day: We started a new tradition this year--a special family dinner on Boxing Day.
9. Holidays that never end: Just when we thought it was over, my brother Cory and his family surprised us from California and stayed for several days. Even though the girls were in school, it was a party every night. They talked me and Anna into going to the zoo and the rec center to swim. It's about 4 degrees outside. I'm just un-thawing now. But I'd do it again. Love them!

YoCA Choir

2010-12-22T10:50:00.008-07:00

This season, Lauren has been performing with the Salt Lake Young Choral Artists. It has been a huge time commitment (for our whole family)and challenging for her to balance it between dance and homework, but I think in the end she thought it was worth it.

She had a solo in their repitoire and had the chance to perform at the Salt Lake Tabernacle, the Logan Tabernacle, and Libbey Gardner Hall. When they went to Logan, they met with a Logan's children's choir for dinner. She said the other choir kept asking questions like, "What's it like in Salt Lake?" Irrationally, she said she couldn't help but feel like a foreign exchange student.

Their last performance was with the Salt Lake Choral Artists. They did this EPIC performance of The Life of St. Nicholas by Britten. This one song was an hour long and featured a little known story of St. Nicholas bringing pickled boys back to life.

Here is a little paragraph about her choir from the Salt Lake Tribune:

Sets by the buoyant-sounding SLCA Women’s Choir, directed by Jane Fjeldsted, and the new Young Choral Artists, led by Jessica Lee, were also well received. After their first selection, Lee said, “If we haven’t captured your hearts yet, we will.” Donning sunglasses and performing their ’50s-style choreographed selection, “On the Roof,” they accomplished their mission, endearing themselves with crisp diction, crystalline tone and the innate energy of youth.

Kind of fun to be in such a good choir.

Lauren and her friend Jillian after singing in the Tabernacle.

The big dance night

2010-12-16T22:51:00.004-07:00

I would choose to watch my girls in a dance recital over any other ticket you could give me. That also goes for piano recitals, soccer games, and choir concerts. I'd walk miles to be there. In the rain.

I would also sit there while a little girl threw up on my shoes in between the seat aisles (this really happened.) I would sit there and hold my breath (like I did) and wait for a short pause before relocating to finish the show. Yup. I really love them.

Anna didn't dance, by the way, but Scott brought her flowers anyway. No one that I know of has ever been so happy to receive a flower.

We Believe

2010-12-16T22:41:00.003-07:00

Anna has spent some time with Santa the past few days. The first time she met him at a family Christmas party. The second time he came to pre-school. Anna observed he forgot to wear his glasses this second time. But not to worry.

"Santa exists," she assured me. "And I really love him."

11 on the 11th

2010-12-16T22:21:00.004-07:00

This is the golden girl Elise on her golden birthday. 11 on the 11th in almost 2011. She has always been golden to me--sparkly and shining. She carries the biggest plate right now: swim team, piano, violin, school choir, dance, regular babysitting job, creative pursuits and a challenging school curriculum. She asked me if I could help arrange for her to have an early morning piano lesson to make more room in her schedule. She reads constantly. She is also a writer--working on a major short story on her google docs right now. She is a young master of balance. I'm really proud of her. I've always been intrigued by her. I'm so lucky to be her mother.

Here are a few photos from her spa birthday party.

Christmas and daughters and motherhood

2010-12-10T08:50:00.007-07:00

I have so much to do today. It's Elise's birthday tomorrow and, well, Christmas. Every year at this time I have to completely stop thinking about Christmas and focus on my 2nd daughter who came to me as a gift on December 11th.

I'm way behind on Christmas anyway. Usually, I am better prepared than this. I blame the stake play--but maybe this is just how things would be anyway. It's a grand experiment. Can Christmas still happen if you start working on it December 1? It seems to be happening all around us. I've decorated, but there are still lots of boxes unopened in the basement. The girls don't seem to mind. As soon as we had the tree up, Anna declared us "Ready for Christmas!" and we hadn't even put on a single ornament. It makes me wonder if some of the things I think I need to do, don't really need to be done at all.

On Monday for family night we talked about our yearly "gifts from the heart" tradition. The rule for our family gift giving is that it must be a gift that involves time or service. Just for fun, I gave out a "My Favorite Things" questionnaire. The idea was to help each other think of gifts that family members might really appreciate. I asked things like, "What do you most like to do when you have nothing to do?" and "What do you wish someone would help you with?"

The girls gave cute answers, but the answers to the last question were quite revealing: "What makes you feel loved?"

Lauren said, When Dad asks me how my day was. Seriously?

Elise said, When I'm practicing my piano and someone sits down to listen to me. I had no idea.

Sarah said, When you listen to me read a book. I know she loves this. Sometimes I'm just so tired at night.

Anna said, When you snuggle with me. Easy.

We're spending a lot of money and energy making sure we have the perfect Christmas gifts for our girls. But I know from experience it is hard to remember from year to year what these gifts even were. The things they want most from us don't cost a thing. And it isn't cliche to say it. They said it themselves.

My biggest fear about this whole thing is that in the rush of trying to do a "good job" I might miss it. I'm trying awfully hard not to. If I read these words in 20 years, just remember 60 year old self, you tried awfully hard.

Last night

2010-12-09T11:54:00.004-07:00

Last night Scott had his firm Christmas party. I picked up Elise from swim team and told her she was babysitting. She was upset (rightly so) that she had no notice of this. Lauren is usually our on call babysitter, but she had a choir performance. We left them with pizza and a movie and assured Elise that Lauren would be home soon.

When we came home, the kitchen was perfectly clean. That is always the sign of a good babysitter. The girls were upstairs in their pajamas. Anna was sacked out on my bed. Sarah was jumping around the house begging me to test her on her 3 times tables. She said that Lauren and Elise had taught them to her. They demonstrated this sort of chant/rap they had done while doing the dishes: "I say 4 times 3! You say . . . " And then they waited for Sarah's reply (which she did combined with a sort of cheerleader move.) I guess they did this over and over until Sarah had them down.

It was hard to get Sarah to go to sleep. She was nervous the numbers would disappear in the night. But we did a test this morning--and everything looks good.

I think for Christmas I'm going to ask for four sweet daughters at perfect ages who love each other, are patient with their mother, and sleep under the same roof with me every night. Oh wait. I've already got it.

There is nothing else on the list.

My new part part part time job

2010-11-29T17:43:00.006-07:00

Well, I haven't posted in awhile because I have been FREAKING out about my new part part part time job writing for the Valley Journal--a very local paper. I never paid much attention to the Valley Journal until I had an assignment to write something for them. I had to write four things in fact. Frankly, it was hard. Really hard. I didn't want this to be a big deal, but suddenly it was big and I am a mom--not Lois Lane. There were at least three days in a row where I was so worried about it that I maintained a a steady head ache (over the right eye.) Fun. Here's what I learned from this experience:

1. The best way to get rid of a worry head ache is work. Once I just started working on the articles instead of fretting, the headache released. Better than Excedrin.

2. I am not as good of a writer as I sometimes secretly think I am. Writing these articles was tough. And when I flipped through the Deseret News there was page after page, day after day of great articles with clever titles and sharp leads. There are hundreds and thousands of writers who do this daily. With apparently no headache.

3. Lauren is a great editor. I already knew this, but she was extremely helpful. She will someday have a job like this, but she'll probably still be in high school when she does. I think she could ghost write for me now.

4. Writing is extremely satisfying. I once heard an author say the reason he stuck with writing was because he couldn't help himself. I am the same way. I can't help it.

5. I will get better at this. I didn't exactly learn this, but I think it's true. This experience has got to be some sort of a learning curve. I've never written a journalistic article before. Not even for a high school paper.

6. I am also now very well-versed in medical ID flash-drives, the Friends of the Murray Library, and the life of up and coming country music star Charley Jenkins. Plus,I know a whole lot more about my best-friend Leslie's Festival of Trees history.

That is quite a bit of learning for someone who doesn't even watch the weather. Speaking of weather, it snowed a lot here. But not when it was supposed to snow and the Mayor officially shut down the city. Honestly, I barely noticed. I was too busy fretting about these articles. And we were in St. George for most of it. But I guess that's another post.

Let this one end happily

2010-11-19T08:26:00.004-07:00

Yesterday I was sweating it out on the stair-climber when I saw the story: Prince William is engaged to Kate and he gave her his mother’s ring.

I might be a total geek, but this news made me cry right there in the gym. Still does while I’m typing this. I think it’s the part about the ring that gets me the most. Along with everyone on the planet, I loved his mother. And who doesn’t remember that ring?

I also remember her hats. Her many hats are the reason I am photographed wearing a purple brimmed hat at my uncle Alan’s wedding. And then there were the dresses

Read more . . .

Thanks to BYU

2010-11-15T22:13:00.012-07:00

Sometimes I think that nothing I learned in college applies to my life. However, I made a connection today. I remember in Mae Blanche's 210 English class we had to critique each others Shakespeare essays. It was so easy to see exactly what the kid sitting next to me needed to change to make the essay strong. So easy. Obvious. But when it came to my own paper, I was mystified. It was like my words were tangled knots on the page.

I recognized today that this phenomena is still occurring in my mothering life. Whenever a fellow mom has a dilemma or a question about parenting, I am full of ideas. Immediately. Don't ask me what makes me think I'm qualified to answer any and every mothering question--I've just been at this awhile and (mistaken or not) I have a few theories. So, your daughter bit you in Target? So, he won't stay in his crib? So, she never wants to wear the clothes you pick out? Let the advice pour.

But when it comes to my own dilemmas, I'm so in the middle of it, that I have little or no advice to give myself. I can't even explain it very well. It's exactly like the tangled knots of words in Professor Blanche's class.

However, another one of my college professors had a habit of having us ask five questions about a passage of our reading--and then answer our own questions. He said that if you have the ability to ask the question, you also possess the ability to answer it.

Today I tried it. I've been walking around with a pit in my stomach about a few different dilemmas. Instead of trying to solve them on my own, I pretended to pass the essay to someone else. If a friend were asking me these same questions, what would my answers be?

This distancing worked. In place of the tangled mess, I unraveled my worries and offered myself a sort of Dear Abby reply. The advice poured out of my fingers onto the keyboard. I've felt better ever since.

Who knew these little skills from college would come in handy in the middle of raising four daughters? I've got to try that again.

Project Lunch Room

2010-11-13T17:17:00.004-07:00

Hi guys- Thank you all for reading my essay! Your comments were so sweet. If you want to check out my daily field notes for Project Lunch Room- that I told you about in the article- go here. Thanks again, and I can't wait for your feedback!
-Lauren

Together We Can Break Boundaries

2010-11-10T22:01:00.005-07:00

This is Lauren's Reflections Contest Entry for this year. She wasn't going to write one, but plugged this one out late last night. I guess she works best under pressure. If I were on the judging panel, I'd give this one the blue ribbon. But moms are like that.

The world is made of differences—spotlight or back stage wings, glittering or threadbare, snow boots or sunburns. People are made of differences too. Teens, young kids, and even adults fall naturally into different categories and tend to stay far away from clique boundary lines. Before junior high, I had heard all about cliques- in movies, books, and from my friends. Every report of these cliques insisted that crossing the boundary lines was impossible.

When I started seventh grade, I saw these cliques for myself. In our school cafeteria, I saw people lumped together into clusters, easy to make out. Cool tables, geek tables, and skater tables—they didn’t mix. Everyone was familiar with this arrangement. Asking around, I found every one of my friends could describe the placement of each group in the cafeteria. The “seating arrangement” situation is not unique to our school, either. Kids I know from other schools also said it was “natural” and “to be expected” that we sit with a clique during lunch. Last year, these lines seemed blunt and unbreakable to me. There were people I wasn’t supposed to talk to, because they were different. Groups were teased because they were different. I didn’t like the idea, but I didn’t question it. It’s the way things are.
But this year, I started to realize how seriously the groups were taken, and how people can be targeted just because they sit at a certain table at lunch. Separated, the table across the hall is looked down on, and the popular table is always overcrowded. It’s natural to find friends. It’s natural to fall into a routine. But as I started looking around the lunch room, I saw corners and faces I never even knew existed. I noticed cliques according to race and clothing.

I also began to notice phrases such as, “Does he sit with those goofs on the far table?” or, “Who was there from our group?” in my conversations with my friends. No one ignores the cliques. In fact, we embrace them as “natural”. But why can’t I sit on the south side of the lunch room? Who says I can’t talk to a kid that doesn’t look like me?

This year, I decided to begin an experiment. I would sit with every clique in the lunch room, one per day, until the term ended. My hypothesis? Because we’re so set on our arrangement, people would be confused or angry by the change. They wouldn’t like it. I remembered a time in the seventh grade I tried to sit at a new table, only to be frowned at and told the seat “was being reserved for someone that isn’t you.” Suddenly, I wasn’t looking forward to lunch anymore.

Our school is never together. Not as a group, not really. We always want to separate ourselves and hide from the people that we don’t understand, even all squished into a lunch room.
On day one of the experiment, I sat down at a table I had never sat at before, with people whose names I didn’t know. My lunch tray was shaking and my smile probably twitched. I was waiting for a frown. But I received a shock. I stood out like yellow in red in that crowd, but the kids at the table smiled at me. They said hello when I introduced myself and talked to me through the lunch period.

The second day, at table two, people seemed happy to see me. I didn’t receive any angry glares or scoffs. The kids welcomed the change, even if it was something that had never happened before. It felt like trying to break through a glass window, which turned out to be open the entire time.

The term isn’t over yet, and the experiment still has a long way to go. But already, I’ve learned something about my peers that has impressed me more than anything else. We’re all different, and we automatically cower away from anything new or out of the ordinary. But while taking the initiative to stir things up comes as a shock, the boundaries aren’t as unbreakable as the world tells us they are. People can and will be accepting to changes that bring us together. Already, I have learned more about my school than I ever knew before, and I am amazed at the kind of people that have been around me all this time.

We’ll never know what we can accomplish together until we are together. That hasn’t happened yet, but I think it could, if we took the time to break through the walls. It’s not as hard as you might think. Together, we can join and change the way people see each other and themselves.

Picture Three--The Main Man

2010-11-09T15:02:00.005-07:00

So, maybe I'm not doing very well on the picture a day goal. Have I mentioned that I have 4 children?

But here is one of my favorite pictures from the past week. What kind of a dad is this man? Can you see it in the faces of his daughters? Yesterday was his birthday. The girls had been preparing for it weeks ahead of time by making him a home movie. It was a unquestionable hit. Scott says it's a valuable tool to be able to laugh at yourself. Amidst jokes about his snoring, his $200 sunglasses and his beloved bike, there was also a great deal of respect and love shown in that little film. He may be the Mr. Bennett of the house, but he is a beloved Mr. Bennett. He carries a lot on his shoulders each day, but does so with strength, tenacity, and an untiring commitment and love for us. There is no other object in his life than building our family. Happy birthday to the most important man in all of our lives!

(So far that is. We acknowledge that one day our girls will have boyfriends and even that we may have to really clean up our backyard one of these years for a wedding reception. But for now, he's undeniably still the one.)

Picture Two

2010-11-03T19:07:00.006-06:00

I had my camera in my purse when I picked up the girls from school today. They were playing Four-Square. It's their favorite. I got out of the car to take a picture.

"Wanna play?" I didn't expect an invitation--just to be the detached observer. I looked at my watch. Normally we have piano lessons at 3:40 and 4:10, but today was performance class. I sorted through planner pages in my mind. I guess we had a few minutes. "Well, okay," I said. The girls squealed. Seriously. I could have moved a mountain and not gotten the same response. They immediately started talking at once, trying to explain to me the intricate rules of the game. Finally, they agreed it was best just to let me try it. I got "out" a few times and once I accidentally made a killer move when the ball bounced off of my knee. They were impressed. But I suspected the most impressive thing I had done was get out of the car.

I'm re-reading Mitten Strings for God right now. She points out how absurd it is that we claim not to have time for, say, Four-Square, while we manage to find plenty of time for swim team, three music lessons, dance class and indoor soccer.

Truth hurts.

I've been driving past Four Square for maybe five years. Today was the first time I played. Sometimes I feel like I'm parenting from arm's length.

Picture One

2010-11-02T23:09:00.007-06:00

My sister called today and wanted to know if I wanted to set a fun new goal: "Let's try to run 300 miles before the end of the year." I told her I needed to get a calculator and think about that one.

Maybe her phone call set the mood, but I did select a new goal for now until the end the year. It's from Becky Higgins who challenges to take a picture a day. This, of course, means my November and December picture files will be of more than 50 photos of the Thanksgiving turkey table and 50 photos of opening presents. It will push me to document more of the everydayness.

So here's picture one:

This is Anna after coming home from preschool today. She walked in the door ravenously hungry and begged for soup AND Speghettios. I didn't believe her, but she ate nearly the whole can of soup and a half a bowl of Speghettios. After I took this picture and around the time she drained her soup bowl, she told me a few details (in her three year old way) about her day.

Usually she brings home one work of art. Today she brought home two. Apparently her pre-school teacher asked her to re-do her first picture of the Indian teepee ("Anna this won't do") because she scribbled. She showed me the scribbled page and it's true, there are lots of scribbles. I asked her how this made her feel. Anna said she wanted to cry, but didn't tell anyone. She said, "I held it in my heart like a secret."

I hung both teepee pictures up on the bulletin board in the kitchen. There is one with scribbles and one that looks just like the teacher's. I have a secret in my heart right now too. But I'm not going to leave it there. By daughter number four, I know just what I'm looking for in a pre-school. This story at the soup table is not it. I'm glad I wrote this down, but at the same time, I can hardly bear it.

Anyway, I love this little blonde head. She is all goodness and sparkles. Too shiny to have to keep any secrets.

Swimming In Sugar

2010-10-29T11:47:00.003-06:00

Halloween isn’t here yet, but already my house is swimming in sugar. The girls have brought home sacks of candy from dance class, pre-school parties, even violin lessons. Last night when they were picking at their dinner plates—too full from candy corn and mini-Snickers bars to eat much—I remembered how much I like Witchelena.

Witchelena is a friendly witch who visits our house on Halloween night. I invented her back when all of my girls believed whole-heartedly in the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy . . . Read it here.

Our Costume Parade

2010-10-28T22:39:00.000-06:00

Little Bo Peep. All the stars were aligned, and she agreed to wear this. She had just finished watching Toy Story 2 and said that Woody was her husband. Whatever works.

The Mad Hatter. Elise always has a tricky costume. One year she wanted to be a Christmas Elf. Another year Junie B. Jones. You can't see how unique her costume is from this picture, but she worked hard to put it together. You have to be independently creative when your mother doesn't sew.

The Queen of Hearts. Little Sarah was going to be a cheerleader, but fell in love with this dress. She honestly hardly ever asks for anything. I couldn't turn her down.

There is no photo of Lauren. She says she is going as a muggle. A 13 year old muggle that we love.

Okay So Maybe This is Fun

2010-10-22T09:19:00.001-06:00

Tonight is opening night. Come 7:00, I don't have to do anything but push a few buttons on the sound board. This has nothing to do with me, but I predict it is going to be a hit.

We have a few things going for us. First, no one has ever heard of this show. Thus, no expectations. Second, this is a stake play. Thus, low expectations. We can only go up. WAY UP.

But it's better than that. Genuinely funny. And touching. One older man in the show said how much this show means to him. "There never would be another opportunity for me to be on stage in a show." What if it was all just for him? But I know it's been for a lot of people. There have been huge obstacles, but as many miracles. Real ones.

When God wants to teach us something, or give us big blessings, I've decided He wraps it up in a lot of hard work. I've wondered during this process why everything has had to be so tough. Writing the play, begging the actors, finding the people to paint the scenery--nothing has been handed out on a platter. But just as we've exhausted every idea, just as we're ready to give up, just at the 11th hour--there's a miracle. Teal agrees. Aubrey is on fall break. Drue says yes. The benches are available. Time and time again, a confirmation that this is not our play.

I'm thinking the message is this: we're expected to do all we can. All. And then God makes up the rest. With His help, we can do hard things. Create a play? (Build a ship?) Things we didn't know we could do.
"Just slip on a tie and you can make it this week!"

Sister Mary Poppins--"With the economy so slow, there is no eating out you know . . ."

Our Murray Girls--like the 42nd Street Girls--welcome Phineas to Murray.

"Jeepers buddy! Are you okay?"

"Just Can't Wait to be King" (of the senior class.) If the audience is wondering whether or not they love this show, they will know FOR SURE when they see this scene. I'm not kidding. It is over the top.

Welcome to the Southparkridgehillcrest Ward where reverence is hit and miss. The paper airplane is a definite hit.

"Father I've had it! I've got to go find them!"

It's free. It's fun. It's 75 minutes long. If you're not busy this weekend, I have a good idea what you can do.

My to do list

2010-10-17T22:30:00.001-06:00

So, I shouldn't be blogging right now because I need to be working on the Stake Play. I think that everytime I do anything but the Stake Play. I shouldn't be putting away these dishes, getting the mail or even sleeping--because there is so much that needs to be done for the Stake Play. One more week.

There are some things that can be neglected while I finish this project, but my girls can't live in a holding pattern until next Saturday. A great question would be: "If I could only do ONE thing for you this week, what would it be?" They're all asleep right now--but it doesn't matter. I'm pretty sure I already know their answers:

Lauren: "Help me get to the Rick Riordan book signing tomorrow."

Elise: "Finish my Mad Hatter costume."

Sarah: "Read me more chapters of Maniac Magee."

Anna: "Let me paint those wooden butterflys in the cupboard."

It's sweet to look at a list of what equals a "10" in their lives right now. This wouldn't be a bad question for me to ask every Sunday. The play will come and go, but something else will take its place. I don't want the something elses to be more important than my daughters. So, if I do nothing else this week, I'm going to do these four things. And the Stake Play makes five (with a couple of zeros at the end.)

Eeny Weeny Beeny Ghost

2010-10-08T07:51:00.000-06:00

I put up our Halloween decorations yesterday. We also listened to the "Eeny Weeny Beeny Ghost" from Bill Harley. Despite my best efforts, Anna is telling everyone she is going to be a girl pirate for Halloween. This is a photo back when she would wear whatever I wanted. Still, I love girls with their own mind.

Week In Review

2010-10-03T21:58:00.000-06:00

It was cowboy day at preschool. She rode a real horse, but couldn't remember his name.

I know this picture is terrible. I did get a new camera this week, but I haven't had time to figure out how to use it. We took the girls to Desert Star Playhouse to see "Welcome Back Potter"--a Harry Potter spoof. We are all big fans and can't wait for the big #7 movie in November. This was not the #7, but it was a lot of fun. When I told Anna we were going to a play she said, "What? You're DONE with the Stake Play?" No, not that play.

Percy is still busy working in Paris. Anna is doing her best to keep herself busy without him.

Sarah and Elise were Scott's dates for the Bikes for Kids fundraiser dinner. I couldn't go because of Stake Play practice. I don't know if I'll ever get my seat back--the girls loved it so much. "A FOUR COURSE dinner Mom" and that didn't include the special hot cocoa at the end. The dinner is also a silent auction. Gathering from their conversations, I'm feeling very grateful they didn't win all of the things they bid on. They came home with a signed copy of David Archeletta's memoirs and Sarah's lost tooth in an envelope. She lost it around course three.

Special Delivery

2010-10-03T21:50:00.000-06:00

You haven't lived until you've made a pizza book report. Here is Sarah's. The toppings are symbolic of the important clues and events in Nancy Drew's "The Secret of the Broken Locket." Isn't the crust cool? I tried to talk her out of Nancy Drew--it is sort of a challenging book. Sarah refused my advice. "I think it will be neat to learn about life in a different time," she said. Scott and Sarah read it mostly together. On one of the nights that I read with her, I was impressed that Nancy and her sluething friends made time to attend church services in the midst of solving the mystery at Pudding Stone Lodge. I'm also impressed with Sarah for sticking with a tough book. She ended up loving it. One of her comments on her book report was, "Nancy was so smart with the clues that you couldn't believe it."

Christmas in September

2010-09-28T10:44:00.001-06:00

Just back from Costco. Christmas in September makes me nervous. Doesn't anyone else need to figure out Halloween? I'm hoping that Anna will NOT change her mind about the adorable Little Bo Peep costume I have for her to wear. Maybe if I act like I really don't want her to wear it. Here is a post on ideas for the class Halloween party. I wanted to write a post on costumes, but my only idea for that is a witch t-shirt for me and buy costumes at 90% off in November and hope my kids go for it a year later.

Just in Case

2010-09-26T22:37:00.000-06:00

Last Saturday Elise had a lot of Sunday prep work to do. At the last minute, the primary had asked her to give a talk and the music director needed her to play her violin in sacrament meeting. Elise seemed very unconcerned. When I wanted to send her friends home so she could write her talk, she told me there was no need. "One Sunday, I was bored," she said, "so I wrote a 'just in case' talk and saved it on my google docs. I'm all set Mom."

Oh. Really. Well okay then. At least practice your violin. She did. And the next morning, she printed out her talk and did a great job on both assignments. The first time I heard the talk was sitting in the back of the primary room. I wondered if some people thought I had written it for her. If they did, they don't know her very well.

Today, I decided to follow Elise's example and write my own "just in case" talk. It's not very long, but I like knowing it is there. Lauren wrote one about the seeds of her testimony. Elise wrote one about "modesty and inner beauty." Sarah was too busy prepping our family home evening lesson on love one another to write a talk today.

My children also fight, yell, and leave their shoes everywhere. Sometimes there are real punches over who gets to sit in the front seat.

But lots of days, I wish I could be more like them.

Percy Update

2010-09-26T22:34:00.001-06:00

So Percy has been getting into a little bit of trouble lately. He hid Elise's violin under my bed. He left the paints out. He spilled popcorn on the floor. After a family home evening lesson on: "Is this a truth or a lie?" Anna informed me that Percy is going on a long trip to Paris. She said she isn't sure when he is coming back. Maybe for her birthday. We all miss him a little bit. But once and a while he calls Anna on my cell.

The first

2010-09-26T22:15:00.000-06:00

There is only one first time. This is Anna's. She is taking preschool by storm.

Another Season

2010-09-26T21:59:00.000-06:00

Sarah finished another season of soccer. Her interest isn't dimming. She would lay in bed excited the night before every game or practice--her soccer clothes carefully laid out on her floor.

This season Scott was the coach of this group of very cute (and very silly) girls. He carefully prepped for each practice, studying a 100 page book of soccer coaching drills and tips he downloaded from a coaching site--often to have the girls want to hang on his legs or run over to the playground. At one dramatic moment, he flipped his soccer coaching playboard across the field in frustration. I like a coach that shows some emotion.

They didn't win all of their games, but they definitely became better at defense and (by far) had the cutest jerseys in the league. Sarah says that when she has her own house someday, she will have a room decorated with all of her trophies and soccer jerseys. The season was much too short.

My Personal Object Lesson in Earning Money

2010-09-22T10:29:00.000-06:00

My camera hasn't been the same since we got back from Bear Lake. How do you like my cell phone photos?

Here's an article I wrote for Today's Mama. I've been writing for this site about weekly since March. They pay me a penny everytime someone clicks on one of my articles. This week I received my first paycheck: $18.26. This is a great object lesson on money. Do you know how quickly I can spend $18.26? The library book Anna left in the back yard sprinklers costs more.

So, do I continue to write for this site? Would I be better off putting the small amount of "extra" time I devote to this site into something else? What if I had taken the hours I spent these six months and put it towards submitting articles to magazines instead? Even if I had only one article accepted for, say, $100.00, my earnings would be better. A year ago, Family Fun published an article I wrote in about 3 hours and paid $1,200.00. So why do I keep writing for a penny a click?

Maybe because it's safe. I have an idea, write about it, and know it will be published immediately. Also, writing for the site pushes me to do things I should do, but don't always make time to do. In April, our family had the best time celebrating "National Poetry Month" because I wanted to write about it for the site. I guess I worry, too, that if I'm not writing for "something" that I won't write at all. It has been fun these past three years or so to write and I would hate to think back about it as, "that time when I was really into writing."

The drawback to this, however, is my time is limited. When I'm writing for "something," it leaves me no time to pursue writing for "something else."

So my long time dilemma--made big this week by the $18.26 paycheck. Scott will be glad for this post. He's had this conversation with me a 100 times. He's supportive because he is just that way. But sometimes I suspect he'd most just like to have clean laundry. While I figure things out, I think I'll send him this post. He can do his part in paying for Anna's library book by clicking on the link. Over and over. We only need about 700 more.

Praising What is Working: The Part We Sometimes Forget Â« Utah Mama

I (heart) McDonalds

2010-09-11T12:26:00.000-06:00

Sort of. But can anyone really heart it after that Super Size Me movie?

I really just love it when there are sweet Happy Meal toys like now. I kind of can't believe I wrote a blog post publicizing McDonalds. But I have a lot on my mind. Namely the Stake Play. Hard to think of anything else. Utah Mama I (heart) McDonalds

five conversations

2010-09-06T18:03:00.000-06:00

What life in the Finlinson house is like
if you're Lauren.

LAUREN:
I'm so glad you finished Mockingjay! Now we can talk about it!
CARRIE:
Talk about what?
LAUREN:
Who dies! The saddest was when my favorite character-
CARRIE:
Lauren, there's nothing to talk about.
----
ELISE:
How come you were crying?
LAUREN:
I just finished The Book Thief. It was so sad. My favorite character died.
ELISE:
That's nice, Lauren.
---
LAUREN:
I'm just warning you, Dad, the end to The Host is so sad. Guess who dies.
DAD:
If you say one more word, I'll slap you until you're thirty.
---

LAUREN:
Sarah, are you ever going to read Harry Potter?
SARAH:
Maybe.
LAUREN:
Can I tell you how it ends?
SARAH:
Okay.
LAUREN:
Well, see, Harry is a horcrux, which is the tecnical term for an object in which a person has concealed part of their soul. So Harry must knowingly face his death.-
SARAH:
Goodbye.
---
ANNA (age 3, who listens to my conversations very closely):
Bella, guess what.
LAUREN:
What?
ANNA:
I am just, so sad.
LAUREN:
How come?
ANNA:
My favorite boy in my book like, just died.
LAUREN:
I'm so sorry!
ANNA:
His name was Susan and I loved him! I was crying!
LAUREN:
I feel your pain!

No one in this house gets me but the three year old.

-Lauren Jane

The next best thing

2010-08-29T22:14:00.000-06:00

We were talking in Relief Society about all the responsibilities we have during a day. Someone made a comment that her continual prayer during the day is: "What is the next best thing for me to do?"

A stay at home mom has the interesting dilemma of nearly complete freedom over her day. Sometimes Scott seems envious of this. I know--there are lots of cool things about it--but it is also incredibly hard. The responsibilities of my life are not compartmentalized into neat little sections, but tangled and varied. For example, tomorrow at 9:00 a.m. should I be reading to Anna? Cleaning out the garage? Working on the budget? Editing the Stake Play? Weeding the garden? Shopping for the girls' ballet shoes? And those are just the responsible choices. I also could be reading Mockingjay. Blogging. Changing my toe nail polish. Sometimes I am positively frozen in place by the sheer number of choices. And any one of these choices could be considered a reasonably good use of time.

That's why I liked this comment in Relief Society so much. There are lots of good things that I could do, but what is--moment to moment-- the best thing? I'm going to work on having that prayer in my heart too. Too many days, I'm trying to go it alone.

Mockingjay Post 2

2010-08-26T15:39:00.001-06:00

I (Lauren) have nothing to say in my defense, because I was completely insane last night. Completely. My friends all came up to me in the hall today and demanded to know what the bizzare texts sent at four thirty in the morning were supposed to mean. Shiny objects? Fingers and toes? What's wrong with me?

What's wrong with me is I just read Mockingjay in eight hours- straight- with one interruption for night games, and no bathroom breaks. And I mean, I thought I had it figured out. I tend to figure things out. But it was INSANE, of course.

And STILL, I have no one to talk to.

My mother, after gagging me and giving me a carpet burn dragging me down the hall at two a.m., left me alone with my head about to explode and no one to talk to but the wall.

She DOES NOT understand what I'm going through. Didn't she see my horribly puffy red eyes? I have a head ache the size of mount Everest and nothing to do but sit with my lips firmly sealed, writing a blog post that can't give anything away either. Agony.

Yesterday, right after I got the book, I had to go to piano. I took the book with me, of course. I had already read chapter one online- but wait! There's more. I can't can't CAN'T get out of the car and go to piano. I just can't.

I have to, though, so I take it in and put it on the piano and STARE at it through my lesson, worrying about who Katniss is going to end up with and hoping President Snow dies. I learn very little about the piano.

When it's over, and I'm about to leave, the next girl comes in for her lesson, and she sees the book in my hands. When she sees it, her eyes go huge, and she drops her books and starts shaking me by the shoulders. You have to understand, she's a complete stranger. But all us district rebels share a bond.

She looks very serious as she says, "Burn it. Just burn it. You can't read the rest. Pretend like it never happened."

She goes on to tell me "the ending". A very depressing "ending" which I totally believe because apparently I am a very gullible person. And we cry with each other for a minute.

I can't exactly tell you what she told me, because that would mean you poor unfortunate souls that have to wait to finish it or you slow pokes who aren't to the end will know that this DOESN'T happen, and you can cross this off your list of highly unlikely endings, and that would be in violation of the contract that my mom made me sign in blood last night.

Just picture the absolute worst ending in the world. Your narrator is an insane thirty year old drug addict. All those awesome characters you loved are dead at her feet. And for some inexplicable reason, there's geese in the back ground.

THAT's what she told me happens. Depressed, dying for a giant box of frozen cookie dough and a box of tissues, I leave piano. Even though I knew what was waiting on page 400, I just kept reading.

I wasn't really sure I should.

But I have this policy that I have kept straight (starting in fourth grade) that I will always finish a book no matter how much it sucks.

So, I sort of read that day in this depression. Oh, what does it matter, I know they all die. Oh, who care is she ends up with Peeta or Gale, because in the end she's gonna be crazy.

Well, as it turns out, as I said, I'm a really exceptionally gullible person. So don't lose faith. It was completely worth headache and the jitters and the staying up until four and all that and I am completely satisfied. And yes, I came into Elise's room at two thirty to ruin the end for her. I was in tears.

I don't care what color Peeta's shirt was mom, and Katniss had turnips for breakfast.

(Mumsy is ridiculous. Why she wouldn't want me to give her a blow by blow account of the mind blowing ending is beyond me.)

Do NOT burn that book. Keep reading. Just keep reading.

And call me when you're done, because I have A LOT more to say.

a family that reads together . . .

2010-08-26T14:34:00.000-06:00

If you know what this is:

Then you probably know what this means . . .

And also understand why I awoke at 2:30 in the morning to shrieks from Elise's bedroom. Lauren had finished Mockingjay and had to tell someone about it. To her joy, Elise is an eager listener. Even if her thirteen year old sister wakes her up at 2:30 in the morning.

When I walked in the room, they both jumped. Were they seriously surprised someone else could hear them? Lauren's face was flushed and edging on tears. She honestly was borderline hysterical. Books can do that. I can't carry her anymore, but I dragged her to her bedroom, checking for a fever. "Mom! I'm not sick!" As I forced her into bed, I almost had to gag her from spilling the ending. Her final words were, "I'm not tired." Mine were, "Too bad."

This morning she kept slipping little hints like, "I'm just going to tell you one thing that doesn't have anything to do with the story." I told her I don't want to know. Not even one thing. Not even the color of Peeta's shirt. Or what Katniss ate for breakfast. And especially not who she ends up with. Nothing.

But if I wait too long it will all slip out. My girls will discuss it in this sort of code language that is supposedly designed for my protection. But even if I plug my ears, clues will seep in and little by little I'll think, "I was expecting this." This happened so often with the Harry Potter series that I almost gave in and let her tell me whose side Snape was on. But I didn't. I wanted to discover it for myself. Not like a reader traipsing over everyone elses' tracks, but as if I am the first one ever to turn the page.

Knowing my children as I do, I better hurry.

It's my turn.

Say the Magic Words: Envisioning the Perfect School Year

2010-08-25T08:34:00.000-06:00

So far, the year is not perfect. Where are all the friends that were supposed to be in Sarah's class with her this year? She said yesterday she wished this was a dream and she would wake up and be in the other class. I'm kind of freaking out. But we're hanging tough. Sarah's word for the activity in this article was "strong." And she is.
Say the Magic Words: Envisioning the Perfect School Year « Utah Mama

and we're back

2010-08-24T10:33:00.000-06:00

Big day yesterday. They're back already. When I think about the summer I feel sort of sad. Lots of hard projects and moments for me. Did the girls feel it? Here is Lauren as an 8th grader. She said that for the first time ever she was not going to plan out her "first day" outfit. Just wake up and get ready. Looks pretty good huh? She was up until 11:30 finishing her summer reading project for honor's English. All of her Treasure Island worksheets are tucked behind her back.

Elise has had her outfit planned for weeks. Her delux backpack you can see peeking out is the fruit of babysitting money and Justice For Girls coupons. This pack has wheels and a pull out handle. If the fifth grade ever takes a field trip on an airplane, Elise is so set.

Sarah didn't need many school clothes--the blessing (and curse) of being a third girl. We did buy this outfit though. She liked it because it was a "little modern and a little western." I think my favorite part of her outfit is the dimple.

Here is Anna in for the photo shoot right before we drove the girls to school. Anna and I had a rough day--not used to our routine together yet. The best I can boast for her is she learned to open the garage door using the security pad. She carried a bar stool out to the driveway and kept yelling for me to call out the numbers. I finally wrote them down for her on a little card. What else is there to do when everyone else is at school right?

We missed them, but they all seemed to have a good day. Lauren said it was great to walk into a classroom and see faces she knew. Elise wants to join the new elementary school choir. And Sarah insisted we go to Office Max to buy a closed pencil sharpener. Apparently it costs a ticket in her new classroom to sharpen your pencil--and Sarah is not about to lose a ticket for that.

How Anna talked me into buying her this shirt

2010-08-20T21:45:00.000-06:00

"If I wear this all the kids at preschool will want to be my friend."

Pause.

"And Mom . . . it's made of fabric."

I'm not worried about her making friends, but how can I turn down something made of fabric?

Careful

2010-08-18T12:36:00.000-06:00

I am having a watershed moment. My new word for this year (and the rest of my life) is careful. My laptop is gone (thanks bubble juice) but my data is restored (thanks Bombsquad.) I want to live my life more carefully. Handle things more gently. Be more meticulous about where I put things and how many things I choose to keep. It's a mission that I have never particularly focused on before. I am always in a hurry. Always rushing from one big project to the next. I want to be careful. I don't like messy clean ups. I am tired of backtracking and fixing what could have been saved. Careful.

What are you going to do this week?

2010-08-16T15:20:00.000-06:00

Seven days left of summer! My kids are so thrilled that I am all about planning out their clothes and getting to bed early.

Time to Start the Back to School Transition « Utah Mama

Unchartered Ground

2010-08-15T14:24:00.000-06:00

Today in sacrament meeting, Anna was wild. She kept standing on the bench trying to take little Dallin Rubalcava's magna doodle. When it didn't work, she tried to barter toys out of our Sunday bag. Finally as a last resort she pleaded to me over and over, "Ask them. Ask them. Ask them." After a few minutes drawing flags on the magna-doodle, she was hungry. "Did you bring me a nice piece of watermelon?" she asked. Not being in the habit of bringing nice pieces of watermelon to church, I had to tell her no. I also, to her dismay, did not bring ice water. In short, our bench felt like a mini circus. We were on the third row. It gave the Stake President a perfect view of Anna while he delivered his talk.

At the end of the meeting I was relieved, but not upset. Compared to last Sunday, Anna was a sacrament champ. She had not left the chapel. She kept her dress down and for the most part stayed in an upright position. I did not have marker on my dress or fresh pages torn out of my scriptures. Actually--a pretty nice meeting.

It is easy for me to look on the bright side of things when it comes to Anna. She is three and that's just where I keep my expectations. I know most of the craziness of sacrament meeting is going to fade away soon enough. I don't worry too much about it and instead give her high fives when she keeps her shoes on.

So now I come to the tough question I've been asking myself: Why can't I do the same thing with Lauren? There has been a shift lately inside of me. I could also say the shift has come from my new teenager, but I don't think it is fair to give it all to her. We both have shifted. I have shifted to higher expectations. Lauren has shifted to a true resentment of those expectations. For example, when Lauren isn't on time for 9:00 a.m. church, I am upset. Very upset. Lauren is defensive. Very defensive. It is not a combination I like much.

Last night Lauren said to me, "There are some people who don't go to church because they are too tired. At least I always go." She's right. Like Anna keeping on her shoes, at least she goes. Why can't I celebrate what is right?

There are two reasons I struggle. Number one is no perspective. I'm so sorry my first born child, but I have never done this before. It is hard to relax because this is all uncharted ground. Everytime. At least you always get the new bikes and the new clothes and probably my best birthday party ideas. There are some advantages to be the oldest right?

Number two is time. I feel like I'm running out of it. With Anna, I've got buckets of time. With you, it's in short supply. Any deadline missed or job undone makes me worry: Have I taught her enough? Are there things I've forgotten to tell her? Should we have been working on this instead of reading so many books? I'm always questioning myself. These questions often come out in a panic that is not me in my best parenting mode.

So right here, I'm resolving to do better. The expectations are not going away--but I'm really going to try to back off and let these expectations work inside you as your expectations. I'm also going to give more high fives. Today, for example, you were so terrific in Sunday School. Thanks for asking the right questions, being kind to all the girls there, sharing scriptures with Sage, being so the complete opposite of Anna in sacrament meeting and walking all the girls home so I could stay for choir practice. And you looked cute to boot. Your room, by the way, looks like a dream. I can't believe you scrubbed your baseboards with a toothbrush. You did a fabulous job organizing the face painting at the Stake Carnival. And--I love how driven you are to write and edit everyday. You have such great drive and direction. I hope all of your sisters can be like you. Truly, the coolest thirteen year old I know. I can't wait to see what you do next.

Love in a blog from mom.

Rolling Out the Mat

2010-08-12T14:01:00.000-06:00

This is Sarah in a lovely (and staged) backbend. The last day of gymnastics was yesterday. I didn't check my calendar. So we are re-creating gymnastics for Sarah's memory book. Maybe I'll do a lot more of that if my laptop files aren't recovered. Luckily Anna looks JUST LIKE Lauren did at age 3. At least that problem is solved.

Here is an article on learning that says nothing about my present worry. For the record, I had to bribe Sarah and her friend off of Webkinz so I could type this. I think I need to read my own article.
Rolling Out the Mat: Simple Ways to Boost Your Home Learning Environment « Utah Mama

Not the best day

2010-08-12T09:23:00.000-06:00

So, yesterday I went upstairs to find bubble juice spilled on my laptop. This morning there was a pit in my stomach and I couldn't remember why. After a few minutes it came back to me. Will I get my pictures back? My journal letters I've written to the girls? My power points for Write On? It's sort of like what it would be like if my house was on fire. After Scott and the girls are safe, what would I think to grab? These are the files I am worried about. If I can't save the house, is there anything in it I can keep?

Back up back up back up. Regret regret regret. Hope hope hope hope.

(Re-reading this post, it is quite an image to think of me in and out of my own burning house rescuing everyone. I'll keep my lap top problem thank you.)

Can we please please do this again?

2010-08-08T22:46:00.001-06:00

This week we went to Bear Lake with our good friends. After weeks of writing camp worries, I was so happy to pack up the car and go. I never travel light and packed around five different books. Though I toted them back and forth from the beach, I never opened one. There was too much conversation and too many sand castles to cheer for. It felt good to stare at the water and not be mentally arranging camp plans. Watching the kids play on the beach reminded me of a great truth: we spend too much money on toys. All they really need is sand, water and a good bucket.

It was an interesting family trip because I didn't see much of my family. I helped feed them at meal time, but mostly kept counting heads on the beach while they played. At night, all 31 of us said a family prayer together. Then we kissed the kids good night and they scattered to their different sleeping places. We don't do sleepovers, so sleeping in a condo with their friends was pretty darn awesome. Anna made a valiant effort to sleep with the big girls in the loft. After mastering the ladder (and traveling up and down about forty times) she was set. But when we said the last good night, her first sleepover lasted ninety seconds. It's good to still be needed.

One night the grown ups were playing card games. Sarah and her best friend Hailey were sleeping in a pull out bed close by. I could hear them telling each other bedtime stories. After awhile, I was sleepy too. I laid down by Sarah and Hailey to hear the stories better. Because they are eight, they didn't mind. They didn't even stop talking when I showed up. Just made room.

It was sad to leave, but we had to hurry home for Sunday. All of us looked a little crispy at church today. I promise. I did reapply the sun block. We just kept a little bit of sun as a souvenier.

Things We're Made Of

2010-07-29T17:49:00.000-06:00

The past two weeks have been high intensity teaching time for the youth programs at the U. "Seize the Story" for teens last week. We wrote short stories and submitted them to Creative Kids magazine. Lauren and other teens wrote what were, in my opinion, great stories. I don't know how the magazine could possibly turn them down. But like Lauren said, a rejection letter is actually something to be proud of. It's only what happens to real authors.

This week has been "Writing Magic" for seven, eight and nine year olds (including Sarah.) I was supposed to have a teacher's aide for the class, but there was a problem with scheduling. I suggested they hire Lauren--and they said okay. We immediately went to the office, picked her up a "staff" t-shirt, and got to work. Lauren has created power points, taught parts of the class, problem solved, mentored students--I'm really proud of her. Today she wow'ed me with this great lesson on weaving in character description. So fun. The kids always want to be in her group.

My favorite student, Sarah, has spent the week writing and illustrating her best work so far. I've been doing cartwheels about her stories all week. I'll have to post some of them--they deserve big attention. My favorite is her story of jumping into a painting at the art museum.

But not to be overlooked are my two December girls Elise and Anna. Elise has been a champion taking care of Anna each morning before our babysitter arrives at lunchtime. This morning she did it while struggling with flu symptoms. No complaints. Just like she is the mom and what else is there to do? She's had to take Lauren's place this week and has done it like a reliable nanny.

Anna cheered yesterday when I told her two more days. "I miss you," she said. I know. I'm glad I'm just a pretend working mom. This is tough.

Well, I might as well brag about Scott too (so so sorry this sounds like such a bragging post.) Delivering things I forget. Hanging back home a little later to make sure Anna and Elise are alright. Staying up late with me. Unwavering support.

Girls watched "Evan Almighty" this week. I know it is sort of hokey, but I love the ending. When we ask God to make us strong or courageous or to grow closer as a family, he doesn't bless us with strength or courage or closeness. He blesses us with opportunities to become those things.
No kidding, these weeks have been hard. But I think we've all become something a little bit better. You never know what you can do until you try (or you're forced) to do it. This week has given us plenty of opportunities to find out new things we're made of.

Otherwise

2010-07-25T23:40:00.000-06:00

Hiking on the 24th in Albion Basin up to Cecret Lake. What are we thinking not going up to the mountains every single chance we get? It's practically in our backyard and so when there is a free night we go to the RedBox? Anna hadn't been to the mountains since winter and fully expected to stop at Sports Authority so we could pick up her skis. She compensated by "skiing" down the dirt while holding our hands on the return trip. Probably the last outing for those shoes. Right now, I can't remember what we talked about on the way up and down--only that there was no where else any of us wanted to be.

I found this poem on Katrina Kennison's blog that I've been thinking about all day:

Otherwise

I got out of bed
on two strong legs.
It might have been
otherwise. I ate
cereal, sweet
milk, ripe, flawless
peach. It might
have been otherwise.
I took the dog uphill
to the birch wood.
All morning I did
the work I love.

At noon I lay down
with my mate. It might
have been otherwise.
We ate dinner together
at a table with silver
candlesticks. It might
have been otherwise.
I slept in a bed
in a room with paintings
on the walls, and
planned another day
just like this day.
But one day, I know,
it will be otherwise.

--Jane Kenyon

No doubt otherwise will come for me too. Even in the worst moments, I'd like to freeze my girls right now and just play it out for a long long time. Maybe until I get things really right. Or they get sick of it and demand to move forward. I can guess which one would come first.